[He throws up a two-fingered peace sign in greeting before he really starts to notice some of the incongruencies in how she looks and how she's dressed. And then, when she gets down to that last, it becomes clear this isn't just a friendly chat.]
No, Tayrey, that's paranoia. Crichton doesn't play those games. She refocuses herself.]
I had to be sure. A lot of people are, because of what Oda and I said. What we wanted.
[Pure speculation. Truth is, a lot of people are wrapped up in their own trauma right now and probably don't think much of the pair beyond that they were stubborn idiots. Still, she's been skulking around the ship incognito like this.]
[A small, self-deprecating smile crosses her face.] Honestly, I don't know who yelled and who didn't. It was... a lot. [Ari's military, it'd take more than just a bit of yelling to bother her, but that much opposition, with Yato badly wounded and Nobunaga near unconscious and Ari otherwise alone and being shouted down on all sides? It was rough for her.]
Can you clarify? [Careful, polite.] I want to understand. I know what Oda thinks about it. You think we should have... conformed? Gone along with everyone else earlier, despite what we believed?
I think, ultimately, the outcome we voted for was the right one. I listened to what everyone had to say, and that's the conclusion I came to.
And just to be clear, I do think you have a point that it was the armor that made him do it, but I also know that when a guy begs you to stop him, you do it. From where I was standing, it sounded like the only way.
[She nods.] I don't agree that it was right, but I respect your right to think differently.
[That's what it comes down to, for Ari. It's not always obvious, caught up as she is in Tradeline code and custom, but her culture is at heart a deeply libertarian one.]
I think the way that some people dealt with dissent was... disappointing.
[She takes a deep breath.] Have you spoken with Oda? Since it happened?
I know it now. [She hadn't before, but this is difficult for her to discuss. She folds her hands in her lap. Let's not talk about Ari Tayrey and her feelings, not when we could talk about Oda.]
Yes. It's been rough for him. Valdis attacked him. Klaus left him.
He didn't ask me to speak to you and he doesn't know I'm here. I want to try to... mend things, if I can. He'd say that if you thought killing Skulduggery was the only way, it's because you didn't have faith in him and his plan. He feels abandoned, I think. He wanted - we both wanted to find another, more just way forward. I think it hurts him that people weren't willing to even try.
I saw Valdis do something to him but... damn, Klaus...
[He's making a mental note to hunt Klaus down now, soon. Make sure he's okay.
But right now, he's the one who's feeling stung. He crosses his arms defensively.]
That's not fair. He didn't tell me his damn plan in the first place. Sure, he was shouting to the room but he wasn't the only one. And, hell, I already told him I'm not in his army and I don't take his orders. I'm a commander.
You think I wouldn't have liked to find a different way? Skulduggery isn't exactly a friend of mine, but I didn't want to see that happen to him. But, dammit, he killed people because he lost his mind or he lost control, however you want to say it, and I know what that's like. I've been there. I... I have explicitly asked several people to take me out if it ever happens again. So. Yeah, when he said do it, I have to respect his wishes too.
[It's here that Ari realises that Crichton is genuinely, completely ignorant of what actually happened. It's understandable. The room was chaotic. It's also something she absolutely has to tell Nobunaga.
She drops her gaze, speaks quickly.]
Oda wasn't shouting his plan. I shouted it for him, because Valdis half-killed him and they all just left him there on the floor, he could barely speak. [Deep breath, Tayrey. Calm down. None of that is Crichton's fault.]
It could have worked. I truly believe it. I'd want to be killed if I was going to hurt others against my will too, Commander. I understand that. But if there could be a way to stop that happening without taking my life, I'd hope that the people who valued me would at least attempt it.
[Ari doesn't really know Skulduggery. She certainly doesn't like or value him. She just hadn't wanted to see an injustice like that carried out when it didn't have to be.]
But if you didn't hear it? His plan? If you didn't hear what I said for him, and see what happened? Then he can't hold it against you. I'll tell him that. It doesn't matter whether you'd have agreed or not if you never even had the chance to consider the option.
[It's not Crichton's failing then, it's Tayrey's. Not loud enough. Not able to hold the room's attention and make them listen.]
I'm sorry I didn't come over. I... was protecting Arthur.
[If he drew any allegiances that day, it was to Arthur.]
I'd want people to attempt it for me too, first. I told that to Bash. But, here's the thing. Skulduggery knows how his power works better than I do, better than you or Nobunaga do. Don't you think it's a little arrogant to tell the guy who's been dealing with it as long as he has that you know better than him?
[She nods.] Yes, you couldn't leave Arthur. I see it. I don't blame you for... any of that.
I think that in a place like this, maybe people should at least allow for the possibility that someone else might come up with a solution they hadn't. [A little shrug.] I couldn't vote for an injustice. Not when there was a chance of avoiding it. A plausible alternative.
[By the end, by the time Arthur spoke sharply to her, there hadn't been a chance of avoiding it, the balance had tipped too far, but by that point it hadn't been reason but love and loyalty that had her still clinging on.]
Do you have any idea how old Skulduggery actually is? He's older than most of us combined. Maybe he should have tried to let us, or maybe he tried to let people in the past and it got them killed. If we'd had more time, maybe we could have asked. I don't know...
[Things were happening so fast and he was, well, overwhelmed by it. Maybe he should be sorry for choosing what was the easier option, but it made sense to him at the time.]
But I do get it. And I'm not holding it against you. It's like we talked about before, you have your culture and I have mine. Everyone in that room was working from their own, Nobunaga too. He ought to know how hard it is to get a consensus in a situation like that.
I don't accept that. [Quiet, but firm.] We could have had a lot more time. They could have told us upfront about it, asked if anyone could see a way out. Instead we had fourteen people die horribly, most of the rest dragged through an absolute farce of an investigation and trial, and for what? So two ancient beings could try to avoid responsibility. If, being so old and wise, they truly knew there was no other way but death, the man calling himself a captain should have taken Skulduggery's life without any of that drama. Even if it hurt, even if he'll carry the guilt the rest of his life.
[She takes a drink. Ari needs a drink right now.] I'm sorry. I'm not here about them, really. It's done, no changing it. I'm here because Oda is-
[A little sigh.] He isn't troubled because he thought you should obey him. He doesn't think of you that way at all; he's told me that. It's because he thought that as his friend, you'd be willing to give his idea a chance. And I'm so glad I did ask, because now I can tell him that you didn't reject him, you just didn't hear it. That's not anybody's fault.
And I'm going to ask you... between us, I know you have every right to your own opinion, even if it's that you think his idea would never have worked anyway, but if that's so, would you hold off on debating it with him for now? Just until he's in a better frame of mind. [She won't betray his confidence by telling Crichton just how low and unhappy Nobunaga is right now, but he might be able to guess from her earnest, concerned expression.]
Yeah, a lot of things could have been done differently. The Captain kept us in the dark and made us participate in his bullshit game to get what he wanted out of it. I don't appreciate that one bit. But hindsight is 20/20. By the time we understood what was going on, a lot of the could-shoulda-woulda's got stripped away.
[He's firm on that too.]
I am sorry to hear that he thought that way about me. It smarts, a little, that you had to be the one to come ask about it. But I'm glad if it means we can clear it up. And, yeah, I know how stubborn he can be. I won't get into it with him. I don't want to upset him more.
[It's frustrating, because she'd known there was something wrong from the moment that false captain had started talking about bringing people to justice. (True in this case, but Ari Tayrey would also suspect him of wrongdoing if he talked about rainbows and puppies.) She does think people should have listened. The similarity between her initial plan and Nobunaga's was that they both relied on rejection of the rules they were given. You don't have to investigate. You don't have to condemn a man to die. You don't have to do anything just because you're told to by someone you have no obligation to, who gives no explanation.
She doesn't say this, though. It won't help. Instead, she nods.]
It's over. I don't think it's wrong to talk about it, because that's how we make sense of going through something that chaotic, but afterwards, we have to be able to move forward.
[A little sigh.] I'm the one asking about it because I'm the one in command of the army. Presently.
[Ari knows on some level that there are those on the ship who will see calling a handful of people an army a silly affectation. It doesn't matter, because it gives her a way to talk about things, and to care for people and be cared for in turn, that she wouldn't otherwise have had. She hopes it's obvious to him that she's not really trying to say she's here on business. That he'll understand what she's indicating about Nobunaga's condition, and not mind that she's the one having this conversation.]
[He can read between the lines there, and see behind the implications of that. If she's having to take the lead, Nobunaga must really be in bad shape. Crichton can't judge. Losing Aeryn practically put him in a coma for how upset and unwilling he was to exist in her absence. He doesn't have to agree with his friend's choices all the time to still feel sympathy for them. He grimaces, thinking how hard this has to be after all the loss Nobunaga has already lived with.]
I'm glad he can count on you. I... should I visit him? I don't want to make things worse but I'm worried.
I'm going to say not yet. I think you should visit him. Absolutely. But he's still - I wasn't exaggerating about what was done to him; I had to carry him out of that hotel. I have him in my cabin. You're welcome to visit, at the right time.
[Not a word about the strong Tradeliner taboo against it. Ari may give the impression that she'd never break regulations, but the truth is that if some real good can be done by the breaking of it, no harm will result, and the decision is hers? She'll do it. She was trained for command, not mindless obedience.]
Give me a chance to talk to him first and explain.. He thinks that I'm the only one who stood by him. Of course I'd like nothing better than to show him that isn't the case, but the situation's delicate.
[Even if he realized her taking Nobunaga to her room was a Tradeline violation, he'd be of the same mind about it as she is. Doing what's right comes first.]
Okay. That sounds like a good way to handle it. I'll give him some time. Just, when you talk to him, make sure he knows I still think of him as a friend.
[And while he's on that subject.]
Just like I have and still do think of you as one. How are you holding up with this and all the rest? You still need to take care of yourself while helping others.
[Ari nods. That's exactly what she'll be stressing - that not only is Oda's friendship with Crichton not broken beyond all repair, it's not really broken at all. She takes a couple of the chips from the bowl between them, now relaxed enough to eat.]
I value your friendship very much. [Enough that she'll be honest? Yes, mostly.] I'm holding up fine. Long hours and a worthwhile purpose, that's what I'm used to, right? [A little more soberly] I had the same worry as him, up until I wrote to you. That we were alone. Worse, I thought at first he'd hold it against me that I had to overrule him in the end, because I saw how it was going - but he didn't. I'm fortunate to have him, so I don't mind at all, no matter how he is right now. He'd do the same for me, in my place.
The rest is... I still have hope, you know? It's better than it was.
Too many people around here act like it's every one for themselves. It isn't. We are all in this weird little crew together. And part of being a crew means that when the going gets rough, we pick each other up. Even if we have our disagreements, I trust you both are doing what you believe is right. I never doubted that for a second.
[Yes, hope is good. It's what they all need to keep going.]
I'm glad to hear that. Keep that hope alive. We aren't down and out yet. Not by a long shot.
[She nods.] I'll find my way home, even if it takes time.
I have to urge caution, though. This place is- [she falters, not knowing exactly how to phrase it.] You won't know what it's like to - no, I suppose you're one of the few people who will! You know what it's like to be part of a crew, and know that every single person on your starship has your back in a crisis, even if you don't know them so well. Even if you don't like them so well. Shared purpose, where it counts. To go from that environment to being utterly alone here.
Oda was the first one to make me feel less alone, and you know what he means to me, but it's a mistake to take that and extrapolate - to think that we're all a crew in any meaningful sense, because we're all imprisoned here together. If you try to rely on that, you'll get hurt. I know that from experience too.
[No, she's not explaining herself properly. Maybe it's something that either makes sense on an intuitive level, or doesn't.] I trust you, Commander Crichton. As I'd trust a fellow Tradeliner. But I don't give that lightly, and you shouldn't either.
I do miss that. Even if, sometimes, certain members of my crew on Moya didn't always perform to those standards. [He's thinking of you, Rygel.]
I hear what you're saying, and, yeah, you're not wrong. We're a mixed bag and most of us are interested in saving our own skin first. That's only natural. But that's how things started on Moya too. We were prisoners. We were strangers. Over time, we became more. I still have hope that we can do the same here. Maybe there will always be some outliers, but I'm not giving up on us as a crew.
[There he goes with his optimism again. But, on this one, he thinks Nobunaga would be proud.]
I don't take that lightly. I don't give my trust to just anyone, either. But I do like to give people a chance. Let me put it this way, I look for the best in people but prepare for the worst. I've been disappointed before but that doesn't seem to slow me down.
[He's a worse idealist than Ari herself, and that's saying something. She thinks that what he hopes for is impossible - certainly there are people here that she knows she'll never trust, never have any sort of connection with - but it'd feel harsh to say so.]
It's difficult without shared values, or even a shared purpose. There are some people here who don't even have any interest in escaping! Who are happy with all this.
If there are people here who don't want to leave, I'm not going to force them to. But, I don't think that has to mean we can't share a purpose. It all depends on how you sell it.
On Moya? The number fluctuated. Usually, six or seven of us at a time. Sometimes more, sometimes less. I know what you're going to say. It's different because it was a smaller crew.
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Date: 2023-01-01 12:59 am (UTC)[He throws up a two-fingered peace sign in greeting before he really starts to notice some of the incongruencies in how she looks and how she's dressed. And then, when she gets down to that last, it becomes clear this isn't just a friendly chat.]
Mad at you? Why would I be?
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Date: 2023-01-01 01:07 am (UTC)No, Tayrey, that's paranoia. Crichton doesn't play those games. She refocuses herself.]
I had to be sure. A lot of people are, because of what Oda and I said. What we wanted.
[Pure speculation. Truth is, a lot of people are wrapped up in their own trauma right now and probably don't think much of the pair beyond that they were stubborn idiots. Still, she's been skulking around the ship incognito like this.]
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Date: 2023-01-01 01:18 am (UTC)[Honestly, he wasn't one hundred percent sure they even heard him. They were all a bit occupied.]
You know, I could see your guy's point and all, but that was uh... not really the time to get into a fight amongst ourselves.
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Date: 2023-01-01 01:28 am (UTC)Can you clarify? [Careful, polite.] I want to understand. I know what Oda thinks about it. You think we should have... conformed? Gone along with everyone else earlier, despite what we believed?
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Date: 2023-01-01 01:43 am (UTC)And just to be clear, I do think you have a point that it was the armor that made him do it, but I also know that when a guy begs you to stop him, you do it. From where I was standing, it sounded like the only way.
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Date: 2023-01-01 01:51 am (UTC)[That's what it comes down to, for Ari. It's not always obvious, caught up as she is in Tradeline code and custom, but her culture is at heart a deeply libertarian one.]
I think the way that some people dealt with dissent was... disappointing.
[She takes a deep breath.] Have you spoken with Oda? Since it happened?
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Date: 2023-01-01 02:14 am (UTC)[But now he's worried again.]
No, I haven't. Is there something I should know?
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Date: 2023-01-01 02:28 am (UTC)Yes. It's been rough for him. Valdis attacked him. Klaus left him.
He didn't ask me to speak to you and he doesn't know I'm here. I want to try to... mend things, if I can. He'd say that if you thought killing Skulduggery was the only way, it's because you didn't have faith in him and his plan. He feels abandoned, I think. He wanted - we both wanted to find another, more just way forward. I think it hurts him that people weren't willing to even try.
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Date: 2023-01-01 02:46 am (UTC)[He's making a mental note to hunt Klaus down now, soon. Make sure he's okay.
But right now, he's the one who's feeling stung. He crosses his arms defensively.]
That's not fair. He didn't tell me his damn plan in the first place. Sure, he was shouting to the room but he wasn't the only one. And, hell, I already told him I'm not in his army and I don't take his orders. I'm a commander.
You think I wouldn't have liked to find a different way? Skulduggery isn't exactly a friend of mine, but I didn't want to see that happen to him. But, dammit, he killed people because he lost his mind or he lost control, however you want to say it, and I know what that's like. I've been there. I... I have explicitly asked several people to take me out if it ever happens again. So. Yeah, when he said do it, I have to respect his wishes too.
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Date: 2023-01-01 03:06 am (UTC)She drops her gaze, speaks quickly.]
Oda wasn't shouting his plan. I shouted it for him, because Valdis half-killed him and they all just left him there on the floor, he could barely speak. [Deep breath, Tayrey. Calm down. None of that is Crichton's fault.]
It could have worked. I truly believe it. I'd want to be killed if I was going to hurt others against my will too, Commander. I understand that. But if there could be a way to stop that happening without taking my life, I'd hope that the people who valued me would at least attempt it.
[Ari doesn't really know Skulduggery. She certainly doesn't like or value him. She just hadn't wanted to see an injustice like that carried out when it didn't have to be.]
But if you didn't hear it? His plan? If you didn't hear what I said for him, and see what happened? Then he can't hold it against you. I'll tell him that. It doesn't matter whether you'd have agreed or not if you never even had the chance to consider the option.
[It's not Crichton's failing then, it's Tayrey's. Not loud enough. Not able to hold the room's attention and make them listen.]
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Date: 2023-01-01 03:15 am (UTC)[If he drew any allegiances that day, it was to Arthur.]
I'd want people to attempt it for me too, first. I told that to Bash. But, here's the thing. Skulduggery knows how his power works better than I do, better than you or Nobunaga do. Don't you think it's a little arrogant to tell the guy who's been dealing with it as long as he has that you know better than him?
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Date: 2023-01-01 03:28 am (UTC)I think that in a place like this, maybe people should at least allow for the possibility that someone else might come up with a solution they hadn't. [A little shrug.] I couldn't vote for an injustice. Not when there was a chance of avoiding it. A plausible alternative.
[By the end, by the time Arthur spoke sharply to her, there hadn't been a chance of avoiding it, the balance had tipped too far, but by that point it hadn't been reason but love and loyalty that had her still clinging on.]
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Date: 2023-01-01 03:38 am (UTC)[Things were happening so fast and he was, well, overwhelmed by it. Maybe he should be sorry for choosing what was the easier option, but it made sense to him at the time.]
But I do get it. And I'm not holding it against you. It's like we talked about before, you have your culture and I have mine. Everyone in that room was working from their own, Nobunaga too. He ought to know how hard it is to get a consensus in a situation like that.
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Date: 2023-01-01 10:45 am (UTC)[She takes a drink. Ari needs a drink right now.] I'm sorry. I'm not here about them, really. It's done, no changing it. I'm here because Oda is-
[A little sigh.] He isn't troubled because he thought you should obey him. He doesn't think of you that way at all; he's told me that. It's because he thought that as his friend, you'd be willing to give his idea a chance. And I'm so glad I did ask, because now I can tell him that you didn't reject him, you just didn't hear it. That's not anybody's fault.
And I'm going to ask you... between us, I know you have every right to your own opinion, even if it's that you think his idea would never have worked anyway, but if that's so, would you hold off on debating it with him for now? Just until he's in a better frame of mind. [She won't betray his confidence by telling Crichton just how low and unhappy Nobunaga is right now, but he might be able to guess from her earnest, concerned expression.]
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Date: 2023-01-02 05:46 am (UTC)[He's firm on that too.]
I am sorry to hear that he thought that way about me. It smarts, a little, that you had to be the one to come ask about it. But I'm glad if it means we can clear it up. And, yeah, I know how stubborn he can be. I won't get into it with him. I don't want to upset him more.
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Date: 2023-01-02 09:37 am (UTC)She doesn't say this, though. It won't help. Instead, she nods.]
It's over. I don't think it's wrong to talk about it, because that's how we make sense of going through something that chaotic, but afterwards, we have to be able to move forward.
[A little sigh.] I'm the one asking about it because I'm the one in command of the army. Presently.
[Ari knows on some level that there are those on the ship who will see calling a handful of people an army a silly affectation. It doesn't matter, because it gives her a way to talk about things, and to care for people and be cared for in turn, that she wouldn't otherwise have had. She hopes it's obvious to him that she's not really trying to say she's here on business. That he'll understand what she's indicating about Nobunaga's condition, and not mind that she's the one having this conversation.]
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Date: 2023-01-04 07:34 pm (UTC)[He can read between the lines there, and see behind the implications of that. If she's having to take the lead, Nobunaga must really be in bad shape. Crichton can't judge. Losing Aeryn practically put him in a coma for how upset and unwilling he was to exist in her absence. He doesn't have to agree with his friend's choices all the time to still feel sympathy for them. He grimaces, thinking how hard this has to be after all the loss Nobunaga has already lived with.]
I'm glad he can count on you. I... should I visit him? I don't want to make things worse but I'm worried.
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Date: 2023-01-04 08:48 pm (UTC)I'm going to say not yet. I think you should visit him. Absolutely. But he's still - I wasn't exaggerating about what was done to him; I had to carry him out of that hotel. I have him in my cabin. You're welcome to visit, at the right time.
[Not a word about the strong Tradeliner taboo against it. Ari may give the impression that she'd never break regulations, but the truth is that if some real good can be done by the breaking of it, no harm will result, and the decision is hers? She'll do it. She was trained for command, not mindless obedience.]
Give me a chance to talk to him first and explain.. He thinks that I'm the only one who stood by him. Of course I'd like nothing better than to show him that isn't the case, but the situation's delicate.
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Date: 2023-01-04 08:54 pm (UTC)Okay. That sounds like a good way to handle it. I'll give him some time. Just, when you talk to him, make sure he knows I still think of him as a friend.
[And while he's on that subject.]
Just like I have and still do think of you as one. How are you holding up with this and all the rest? You still need to take care of yourself while helping others.
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Date: 2023-01-04 09:23 pm (UTC)I value your friendship very much. [Enough that she'll be honest? Yes, mostly.] I'm holding up fine. Long hours and a worthwhile purpose, that's what I'm used to, right? [A little more soberly] I had the same worry as him, up until I wrote to you. That we were alone. Worse, I thought at first he'd hold it against me that I had to overrule him in the end, because I saw how it was going - but he didn't. I'm fortunate to have him, so I don't mind at all, no matter how he is right now. He'd do the same for me, in my place.
The rest is... I still have hope, you know? It's better than it was.
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Date: 2023-01-09 03:42 pm (UTC)[Yes, hope is good. It's what they all need to keep going.]
I'm glad to hear that. Keep that hope alive. We aren't down and out yet. Not by a long shot.
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Date: 2023-01-09 04:04 pm (UTC)I have to urge caution, though. This place is- [she falters, not knowing exactly how to phrase it.] You won't know what it's like to - no, I suppose you're one of the few people who will! You know what it's like to be part of a crew, and know that every single person on your starship has your back in a crisis, even if you don't know them so well. Even if you don't like them so well. Shared purpose, where it counts. To go from that environment to being utterly alone here.
Oda was the first one to make me feel less alone, and you know what he means to me, but it's a mistake to take that and extrapolate - to think that we're all a crew in any meaningful sense, because we're all imprisoned here together. If you try to rely on that, you'll get hurt. I know that from experience too.
[No, she's not explaining herself properly. Maybe it's something that either makes sense on an intuitive level, or doesn't.] I trust you, Commander Crichton. As I'd trust a fellow Tradeliner. But I don't give that lightly, and you shouldn't either.
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Date: 2023-01-11 04:44 am (UTC)I hear what you're saying, and, yeah, you're not wrong. We're a mixed bag and most of us are interested in saving our own skin first. That's only natural. But that's how things started on Moya too. We were prisoners. We were strangers. Over time, we became more. I still have hope that we can do the same here. Maybe there will always be some outliers, but I'm not giving up on us as a crew.
[There he goes with his optimism again. But, on this one, he thinks Nobunaga would be proud.]
I don't take that lightly. I don't give my trust to just anyone, either. But I do like to give people a chance. Let me put it this way, I look for the best in people but prepare for the worst. I've been disappointed before but that doesn't seem to slow me down.
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Date: 2023-01-12 05:07 pm (UTC)It's difficult without shared values, or even a shared purpose. There are some people here who don't even have any interest in escaping! Who are happy with all this.
Tell me, how many of you were there on Moya?
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Date: 2023-01-16 03:54 am (UTC)If there are people here who don't want to leave, I'm not going to force them to. But, I don't think that has to mean we can't share a purpose. It all depends on how you sell it.
On Moya? The number fluctuated. Usually, six or seven of us at a time. Sometimes more, sometimes less. I know what you're going to say. It's different because it was a smaller crew.
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