I know it now. [She hadn't before, but this is difficult for her to discuss. She folds her hands in her lap. Let's not talk about Ari Tayrey and her feelings, not when we could talk about Oda.]
Yes. It's been rough for him. Valdis attacked him. Klaus left him.
He didn't ask me to speak to you and he doesn't know I'm here. I want to try to... mend things, if I can. He'd say that if you thought killing Skulduggery was the only way, it's because you didn't have faith in him and his plan. He feels abandoned, I think. He wanted - we both wanted to find another, more just way forward. I think it hurts him that people weren't willing to even try.
I saw Valdis do something to him but... damn, Klaus...
[He's making a mental note to hunt Klaus down now, soon. Make sure he's okay.
But right now, he's the one who's feeling stung. He crosses his arms defensively.]
That's not fair. He didn't tell me his damn plan in the first place. Sure, he was shouting to the room but he wasn't the only one. And, hell, I already told him I'm not in his army and I don't take his orders. I'm a commander.
You think I wouldn't have liked to find a different way? Skulduggery isn't exactly a friend of mine, but I didn't want to see that happen to him. But, dammit, he killed people because he lost his mind or he lost control, however you want to say it, and I know what that's like. I've been there. I... I have explicitly asked several people to take me out if it ever happens again. So. Yeah, when he said do it, I have to respect his wishes too.
[It's here that Ari realises that Crichton is genuinely, completely ignorant of what actually happened. It's understandable. The room was chaotic. It's also something she absolutely has to tell Nobunaga.
She drops her gaze, speaks quickly.]
Oda wasn't shouting his plan. I shouted it for him, because Valdis half-killed him and they all just left him there on the floor, he could barely speak. [Deep breath, Tayrey. Calm down. None of that is Crichton's fault.]
It could have worked. I truly believe it. I'd want to be killed if I was going to hurt others against my will too, Commander. I understand that. But if there could be a way to stop that happening without taking my life, I'd hope that the people who valued me would at least attempt it.
[Ari doesn't really know Skulduggery. She certainly doesn't like or value him. She just hadn't wanted to see an injustice like that carried out when it didn't have to be.]
But if you didn't hear it? His plan? If you didn't hear what I said for him, and see what happened? Then he can't hold it against you. I'll tell him that. It doesn't matter whether you'd have agreed or not if you never even had the chance to consider the option.
[It's not Crichton's failing then, it's Tayrey's. Not loud enough. Not able to hold the room's attention and make them listen.]
I'm sorry I didn't come over. I... was protecting Arthur.
[If he drew any allegiances that day, it was to Arthur.]
I'd want people to attempt it for me too, first. I told that to Bash. But, here's the thing. Skulduggery knows how his power works better than I do, better than you or Nobunaga do. Don't you think it's a little arrogant to tell the guy who's been dealing with it as long as he has that you know better than him?
[She nods.] Yes, you couldn't leave Arthur. I see it. I don't blame you for... any of that.
I think that in a place like this, maybe people should at least allow for the possibility that someone else might come up with a solution they hadn't. [A little shrug.] I couldn't vote for an injustice. Not when there was a chance of avoiding it. A plausible alternative.
[By the end, by the time Arthur spoke sharply to her, there hadn't been a chance of avoiding it, the balance had tipped too far, but by that point it hadn't been reason but love and loyalty that had her still clinging on.]
Do you have any idea how old Skulduggery actually is? He's older than most of us combined. Maybe he should have tried to let us, or maybe he tried to let people in the past and it got them killed. If we'd had more time, maybe we could have asked. I don't know...
[Things were happening so fast and he was, well, overwhelmed by it. Maybe he should be sorry for choosing what was the easier option, but it made sense to him at the time.]
But I do get it. And I'm not holding it against you. It's like we talked about before, you have your culture and I have mine. Everyone in that room was working from their own, Nobunaga too. He ought to know how hard it is to get a consensus in a situation like that.
I don't accept that. [Quiet, but firm.] We could have had a lot more time. They could have told us upfront about it, asked if anyone could see a way out. Instead we had fourteen people die horribly, most of the rest dragged through an absolute farce of an investigation and trial, and for what? So two ancient beings could try to avoid responsibility. If, being so old and wise, they truly knew there was no other way but death, the man calling himself a captain should have taken Skulduggery's life without any of that drama. Even if it hurt, even if he'll carry the guilt the rest of his life.
[She takes a drink. Ari needs a drink right now.] I'm sorry. I'm not here about them, really. It's done, no changing it. I'm here because Oda is-
[A little sigh.] He isn't troubled because he thought you should obey him. He doesn't think of you that way at all; he's told me that. It's because he thought that as his friend, you'd be willing to give his idea a chance. And I'm so glad I did ask, because now I can tell him that you didn't reject him, you just didn't hear it. That's not anybody's fault.
And I'm going to ask you... between us, I know you have every right to your own opinion, even if it's that you think his idea would never have worked anyway, but if that's so, would you hold off on debating it with him for now? Just until he's in a better frame of mind. [She won't betray his confidence by telling Crichton just how low and unhappy Nobunaga is right now, but he might be able to guess from her earnest, concerned expression.]
Yeah, a lot of things could have been done differently. The Captain kept us in the dark and made us participate in his bullshit game to get what he wanted out of it. I don't appreciate that one bit. But hindsight is 20/20. By the time we understood what was going on, a lot of the could-shoulda-woulda's got stripped away.
[He's firm on that too.]
I am sorry to hear that he thought that way about me. It smarts, a little, that you had to be the one to come ask about it. But I'm glad if it means we can clear it up. And, yeah, I know how stubborn he can be. I won't get into it with him. I don't want to upset him more.
[It's frustrating, because she'd known there was something wrong from the moment that false captain had started talking about bringing people to justice. (True in this case, but Ari Tayrey would also suspect him of wrongdoing if he talked about rainbows and puppies.) She does think people should have listened. The similarity between her initial plan and Nobunaga's was that they both relied on rejection of the rules they were given. You don't have to investigate. You don't have to condemn a man to die. You don't have to do anything just because you're told to by someone you have no obligation to, who gives no explanation.
She doesn't say this, though. It won't help. Instead, she nods.]
It's over. I don't think it's wrong to talk about it, because that's how we make sense of going through something that chaotic, but afterwards, we have to be able to move forward.
[A little sigh.] I'm the one asking about it because I'm the one in command of the army. Presently.
[Ari knows on some level that there are those on the ship who will see calling a handful of people an army a silly affectation. It doesn't matter, because it gives her a way to talk about things, and to care for people and be cared for in turn, that she wouldn't otherwise have had. She hopes it's obvious to him that she's not really trying to say she's here on business. That he'll understand what she's indicating about Nobunaga's condition, and not mind that she's the one having this conversation.]
[He can read between the lines there, and see behind the implications of that. If she's having to take the lead, Nobunaga must really be in bad shape. Crichton can't judge. Losing Aeryn practically put him in a coma for how upset and unwilling he was to exist in her absence. He doesn't have to agree with his friend's choices all the time to still feel sympathy for them. He grimaces, thinking how hard this has to be after all the loss Nobunaga has already lived with.]
I'm glad he can count on you. I... should I visit him? I don't want to make things worse but I'm worried.
I'm going to say not yet. I think you should visit him. Absolutely. But he's still - I wasn't exaggerating about what was done to him; I had to carry him out of that hotel. I have him in my cabin. You're welcome to visit, at the right time.
[Not a word about the strong Tradeliner taboo against it. Ari may give the impression that she'd never break regulations, but the truth is that if some real good can be done by the breaking of it, no harm will result, and the decision is hers? She'll do it. She was trained for command, not mindless obedience.]
Give me a chance to talk to him first and explain.. He thinks that I'm the only one who stood by him. Of course I'd like nothing better than to show him that isn't the case, but the situation's delicate.
[Even if he realized her taking Nobunaga to her room was a Tradeline violation, he'd be of the same mind about it as she is. Doing what's right comes first.]
Okay. That sounds like a good way to handle it. I'll give him some time. Just, when you talk to him, make sure he knows I still think of him as a friend.
[And while he's on that subject.]
Just like I have and still do think of you as one. How are you holding up with this and all the rest? You still need to take care of yourself while helping others.
[Ari nods. That's exactly what she'll be stressing - that not only is Oda's friendship with Crichton not broken beyond all repair, it's not really broken at all. She takes a couple of the chips from the bowl between them, now relaxed enough to eat.]
I value your friendship very much. [Enough that she'll be honest? Yes, mostly.] I'm holding up fine. Long hours and a worthwhile purpose, that's what I'm used to, right? [A little more soberly] I had the same worry as him, up until I wrote to you. That we were alone. Worse, I thought at first he'd hold it against me that I had to overrule him in the end, because I saw how it was going - but he didn't. I'm fortunate to have him, so I don't mind at all, no matter how he is right now. He'd do the same for me, in my place.
The rest is... I still have hope, you know? It's better than it was.
Too many people around here act like it's every one for themselves. It isn't. We are all in this weird little crew together. And part of being a crew means that when the going gets rough, we pick each other up. Even if we have our disagreements, I trust you both are doing what you believe is right. I never doubted that for a second.
[Yes, hope is good. It's what they all need to keep going.]
I'm glad to hear that. Keep that hope alive. We aren't down and out yet. Not by a long shot.
[She nods.] I'll find my way home, even if it takes time.
I have to urge caution, though. This place is- [she falters, not knowing exactly how to phrase it.] You won't know what it's like to - no, I suppose you're one of the few people who will! You know what it's like to be part of a crew, and know that every single person on your starship has your back in a crisis, even if you don't know them so well. Even if you don't like them so well. Shared purpose, where it counts. To go from that environment to being utterly alone here.
Oda was the first one to make me feel less alone, and you know what he means to me, but it's a mistake to take that and extrapolate - to think that we're all a crew in any meaningful sense, because we're all imprisoned here together. If you try to rely on that, you'll get hurt. I know that from experience too.
[No, she's not explaining herself properly. Maybe it's something that either makes sense on an intuitive level, or doesn't.] I trust you, Commander Crichton. As I'd trust a fellow Tradeliner. But I don't give that lightly, and you shouldn't either.
I do miss that. Even if, sometimes, certain members of my crew on Moya didn't always perform to those standards. [He's thinking of you, Rygel.]
I hear what you're saying, and, yeah, you're not wrong. We're a mixed bag and most of us are interested in saving our own skin first. That's only natural. But that's how things started on Moya too. We were prisoners. We were strangers. Over time, we became more. I still have hope that we can do the same here. Maybe there will always be some outliers, but I'm not giving up on us as a crew.
[There he goes with his optimism again. But, on this one, he thinks Nobunaga would be proud.]
I don't take that lightly. I don't give my trust to just anyone, either. But I do like to give people a chance. Let me put it this way, I look for the best in people but prepare for the worst. I've been disappointed before but that doesn't seem to slow me down.
[He's a worse idealist than Ari herself, and that's saying something. She thinks that what he hopes for is impossible - certainly there are people here that she knows she'll never trust, never have any sort of connection with - but it'd feel harsh to say so.]
It's difficult without shared values, or even a shared purpose. There are some people here who don't even have any interest in escaping! Who are happy with all this.
If there are people here who don't want to leave, I'm not going to force them to. But, I don't think that has to mean we can't share a purpose. It all depends on how you sell it.
On Moya? The number fluctuated. Usually, six or seven of us at a time. Sometimes more, sometimes less. I know what you're going to say. It's different because it was a smaller crew.
Would I be wrong to say it? Reaching consensus with six or seven can be difficult. We have at least seventy here.
[She speaks softly, because if that's what he's working for, she doesn't want to take it away from him. Everyone needs a purpose. She just doesn't want him to get hurt through placing trust in the wrong people.]
I'd never want to force anyone to leave, either - but those people, they'd force us to stay if they could. You must see the constant attempts at demoralisation, telling us that it's hopeless.
Oh, believe me, reaching a consensus between all of us on Moya was like pulling teeth. Everyone had their own ideas about what to do, based on what they knew and where they came from.
[Sound familiar?]
That's the point I'm really trying to make here. It's hard. It's not impossible. And I think there are a few things most of us are capable of reaching a consensus on even if we can't agree completely. A shared goal isn't out of the question.
[It still pains him that she thinks those who are saying they can't return are trying to deliberately demoralize her. That's something she's going to just have to take some time to come to terms with. Pushing obviously isn't the answer.]
I'm not sure I see it exactly that same way. Maybe some are doing that. Most, I think, really believe it and think they are helping you by saying so. I try not to look at it from a malicious point of view. And, if it came down to it, if we found a way to get off this ship, I don't really think those people would stop us. Caution us, maybe. But not force us to stay.
[Pulling teeth? Like a disturbing form of torture, then. Ari frowns, but keeps listening.]
I don't think it's all that whether the intent is malicious or not. You- [a brief hesitation, but Ari's been honest with him before, there's no reason to stop now.] You know how difficult this has been for me. How I've had to try hard to find reasons to keep going. If anything it's easier if they're malicious about it. There's always the potential to find common ground with an enemy someday, reach some understanding. Someone trying to destroy your reason for survival because they think they're helping you? That's worse.
See, I don't think ship-wide consensus is possible on anything here, but I think maybe what you and I have is. We can't agree even about this, but there's no hostility between us. We can respect one another's perspectives, keep peaceable contract. Friendship despite the disagreements. There's value in that, right?
Yeah. I know. I'm sorry I was contributing to it. But, I'd be careful about thinking it's that much easier to find common ground with an enemy. Before coming here, I was living on the same ship as mine. That didn't do much to improve our relationship.
[Understatement of the year right there.]
But, yes, of course, there's value in that. There's value in respecting that we are all people with a right to our own convictions. If we can all agree that we deserve to make it out of this alive, first of all, that would be a good step.
You, contributing? [Ari's eyes widen in surprise, and she leans forward.] Commander, I wasn't thinking of you when I said that. You've been supportive. You came after me when you thought my plan hadn't worked, out into that cold. Not many people would do that. And you never told me it was wrong to try to escape. Critique of my- [with a little self-deprecating smile] -particular course of action is different. Even well before that, you... well, I can't say what would have happened if Oda hadn't trampled over my boundaries the way he did when I was in my cabin, but you were the one who made me realise I had to find a way to cope with this. I had to be at least that strong.
[She really wouldn't be saying that she trusted him and thought of him like a shipmate if he'd been one of the people trying to tear her down and crush her hopes. But there's no point in revisiting old troubles.]
You had an enemy with you on Moya? What happened? Couldn't you get rid of them? You're right, if they're a true enemy then finding common ground would be incredibly difficult. Very low probability. Just not impossible, that's all I meant. [An enemy attacking you was to be expected, but a friend doing it would cause more damage.]
[Boy, he can just feel the guilt twisting in him. If she only knew he was still holding out on her, that as much as he says he hopes for her to get home he doesn't believe it can happen. If she could read his mind... well, he'd have a lot bigger problems at that point.]
I want you to know I'll always be here to support you and talk you through things if and when you need it. You can count on me.
[That he can promise. That, he will always promise. He'll have her back.]
His name is Scorpius. I've got something he wants and he's willing to go to any length to get it from me. He saw his chance when he found my previous girlfriend, Aeryn, dying from heat delirium. He stabilized her with special cooling technology he uses in his own suit. She had to... wear his suit to keep her from overheating.
[It still makes him queasy to remember how she looked with that mask on. Like his worst nightmares come to life.]
She made me promise not to kill him. He moved in and... there was nothing I could do about it. If I kicked him out, she'd die. If I killed him, she'd die. I was living with an evil genius just biding his damn time to get at me. Guess I have some experience living with my tormentor already, too.
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Date: 2023-01-01 02:14 am (UTC)[But now he's worried again.]
No, I haven't. Is there something I should know?
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Date: 2023-01-01 02:28 am (UTC)Yes. It's been rough for him. Valdis attacked him. Klaus left him.
He didn't ask me to speak to you and he doesn't know I'm here. I want to try to... mend things, if I can. He'd say that if you thought killing Skulduggery was the only way, it's because you didn't have faith in him and his plan. He feels abandoned, I think. He wanted - we both wanted to find another, more just way forward. I think it hurts him that people weren't willing to even try.
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Date: 2023-01-01 02:46 am (UTC)[He's making a mental note to hunt Klaus down now, soon. Make sure he's okay.
But right now, he's the one who's feeling stung. He crosses his arms defensively.]
That's not fair. He didn't tell me his damn plan in the first place. Sure, he was shouting to the room but he wasn't the only one. And, hell, I already told him I'm not in his army and I don't take his orders. I'm a commander.
You think I wouldn't have liked to find a different way? Skulduggery isn't exactly a friend of mine, but I didn't want to see that happen to him. But, dammit, he killed people because he lost his mind or he lost control, however you want to say it, and I know what that's like. I've been there. I... I have explicitly asked several people to take me out if it ever happens again. So. Yeah, when he said do it, I have to respect his wishes too.
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Date: 2023-01-01 03:06 am (UTC)She drops her gaze, speaks quickly.]
Oda wasn't shouting his plan. I shouted it for him, because Valdis half-killed him and they all just left him there on the floor, he could barely speak. [Deep breath, Tayrey. Calm down. None of that is Crichton's fault.]
It could have worked. I truly believe it. I'd want to be killed if I was going to hurt others against my will too, Commander. I understand that. But if there could be a way to stop that happening without taking my life, I'd hope that the people who valued me would at least attempt it.
[Ari doesn't really know Skulduggery. She certainly doesn't like or value him. She just hadn't wanted to see an injustice like that carried out when it didn't have to be.]
But if you didn't hear it? His plan? If you didn't hear what I said for him, and see what happened? Then he can't hold it against you. I'll tell him that. It doesn't matter whether you'd have agreed or not if you never even had the chance to consider the option.
[It's not Crichton's failing then, it's Tayrey's. Not loud enough. Not able to hold the room's attention and make them listen.]
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Date: 2023-01-01 03:15 am (UTC)[If he drew any allegiances that day, it was to Arthur.]
I'd want people to attempt it for me too, first. I told that to Bash. But, here's the thing. Skulduggery knows how his power works better than I do, better than you or Nobunaga do. Don't you think it's a little arrogant to tell the guy who's been dealing with it as long as he has that you know better than him?
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Date: 2023-01-01 03:28 am (UTC)I think that in a place like this, maybe people should at least allow for the possibility that someone else might come up with a solution they hadn't. [A little shrug.] I couldn't vote for an injustice. Not when there was a chance of avoiding it. A plausible alternative.
[By the end, by the time Arthur spoke sharply to her, there hadn't been a chance of avoiding it, the balance had tipped too far, but by that point it hadn't been reason but love and loyalty that had her still clinging on.]
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Date: 2023-01-01 03:38 am (UTC)[Things were happening so fast and he was, well, overwhelmed by it. Maybe he should be sorry for choosing what was the easier option, but it made sense to him at the time.]
But I do get it. And I'm not holding it against you. It's like we talked about before, you have your culture and I have mine. Everyone in that room was working from their own, Nobunaga too. He ought to know how hard it is to get a consensus in a situation like that.
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Date: 2023-01-01 10:45 am (UTC)[She takes a drink. Ari needs a drink right now.] I'm sorry. I'm not here about them, really. It's done, no changing it. I'm here because Oda is-
[A little sigh.] He isn't troubled because he thought you should obey him. He doesn't think of you that way at all; he's told me that. It's because he thought that as his friend, you'd be willing to give his idea a chance. And I'm so glad I did ask, because now I can tell him that you didn't reject him, you just didn't hear it. That's not anybody's fault.
And I'm going to ask you... between us, I know you have every right to your own opinion, even if it's that you think his idea would never have worked anyway, but if that's so, would you hold off on debating it with him for now? Just until he's in a better frame of mind. [She won't betray his confidence by telling Crichton just how low and unhappy Nobunaga is right now, but he might be able to guess from her earnest, concerned expression.]
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Date: 2023-01-02 05:46 am (UTC)[He's firm on that too.]
I am sorry to hear that he thought that way about me. It smarts, a little, that you had to be the one to come ask about it. But I'm glad if it means we can clear it up. And, yeah, I know how stubborn he can be. I won't get into it with him. I don't want to upset him more.
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Date: 2023-01-02 09:37 am (UTC)She doesn't say this, though. It won't help. Instead, she nods.]
It's over. I don't think it's wrong to talk about it, because that's how we make sense of going through something that chaotic, but afterwards, we have to be able to move forward.
[A little sigh.] I'm the one asking about it because I'm the one in command of the army. Presently.
[Ari knows on some level that there are those on the ship who will see calling a handful of people an army a silly affectation. It doesn't matter, because it gives her a way to talk about things, and to care for people and be cared for in turn, that she wouldn't otherwise have had. She hopes it's obvious to him that she's not really trying to say she's here on business. That he'll understand what she's indicating about Nobunaga's condition, and not mind that she's the one having this conversation.]
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Date: 2023-01-04 07:34 pm (UTC)[He can read between the lines there, and see behind the implications of that. If she's having to take the lead, Nobunaga must really be in bad shape. Crichton can't judge. Losing Aeryn practically put him in a coma for how upset and unwilling he was to exist in her absence. He doesn't have to agree with his friend's choices all the time to still feel sympathy for them. He grimaces, thinking how hard this has to be after all the loss Nobunaga has already lived with.]
I'm glad he can count on you. I... should I visit him? I don't want to make things worse but I'm worried.
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Date: 2023-01-04 08:48 pm (UTC)I'm going to say not yet. I think you should visit him. Absolutely. But he's still - I wasn't exaggerating about what was done to him; I had to carry him out of that hotel. I have him in my cabin. You're welcome to visit, at the right time.
[Not a word about the strong Tradeliner taboo against it. Ari may give the impression that she'd never break regulations, but the truth is that if some real good can be done by the breaking of it, no harm will result, and the decision is hers? She'll do it. She was trained for command, not mindless obedience.]
Give me a chance to talk to him first and explain.. He thinks that I'm the only one who stood by him. Of course I'd like nothing better than to show him that isn't the case, but the situation's delicate.
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Date: 2023-01-04 08:54 pm (UTC)Okay. That sounds like a good way to handle it. I'll give him some time. Just, when you talk to him, make sure he knows I still think of him as a friend.
[And while he's on that subject.]
Just like I have and still do think of you as one. How are you holding up with this and all the rest? You still need to take care of yourself while helping others.
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Date: 2023-01-04 09:23 pm (UTC)I value your friendship very much. [Enough that she'll be honest? Yes, mostly.] I'm holding up fine. Long hours and a worthwhile purpose, that's what I'm used to, right? [A little more soberly] I had the same worry as him, up until I wrote to you. That we were alone. Worse, I thought at first he'd hold it against me that I had to overrule him in the end, because I saw how it was going - but he didn't. I'm fortunate to have him, so I don't mind at all, no matter how he is right now. He'd do the same for me, in my place.
The rest is... I still have hope, you know? It's better than it was.
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Date: 2023-01-09 03:42 pm (UTC)[Yes, hope is good. It's what they all need to keep going.]
I'm glad to hear that. Keep that hope alive. We aren't down and out yet. Not by a long shot.
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Date: 2023-01-09 04:04 pm (UTC)I have to urge caution, though. This place is- [she falters, not knowing exactly how to phrase it.] You won't know what it's like to - no, I suppose you're one of the few people who will! You know what it's like to be part of a crew, and know that every single person on your starship has your back in a crisis, even if you don't know them so well. Even if you don't like them so well. Shared purpose, where it counts. To go from that environment to being utterly alone here.
Oda was the first one to make me feel less alone, and you know what he means to me, but it's a mistake to take that and extrapolate - to think that we're all a crew in any meaningful sense, because we're all imprisoned here together. If you try to rely on that, you'll get hurt. I know that from experience too.
[No, she's not explaining herself properly. Maybe it's something that either makes sense on an intuitive level, or doesn't.] I trust you, Commander Crichton. As I'd trust a fellow Tradeliner. But I don't give that lightly, and you shouldn't either.
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Date: 2023-01-11 04:44 am (UTC)I hear what you're saying, and, yeah, you're not wrong. We're a mixed bag and most of us are interested in saving our own skin first. That's only natural. But that's how things started on Moya too. We were prisoners. We were strangers. Over time, we became more. I still have hope that we can do the same here. Maybe there will always be some outliers, but I'm not giving up on us as a crew.
[There he goes with his optimism again. But, on this one, he thinks Nobunaga would be proud.]
I don't take that lightly. I don't give my trust to just anyone, either. But I do like to give people a chance. Let me put it this way, I look for the best in people but prepare for the worst. I've been disappointed before but that doesn't seem to slow me down.
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Date: 2023-01-12 05:07 pm (UTC)It's difficult without shared values, or even a shared purpose. There are some people here who don't even have any interest in escaping! Who are happy with all this.
Tell me, how many of you were there on Moya?
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Date: 2023-01-16 03:54 am (UTC)If there are people here who don't want to leave, I'm not going to force them to. But, I don't think that has to mean we can't share a purpose. It all depends on how you sell it.
On Moya? The number fluctuated. Usually, six or seven of us at a time. Sometimes more, sometimes less. I know what you're going to say. It's different because it was a smaller crew.
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Date: 2023-01-16 01:16 pm (UTC)[She speaks softly, because if that's what he's working for, she doesn't want to take it away from him. Everyone needs a purpose. She just doesn't want him to get hurt through placing trust in the wrong people.]
I'd never want to force anyone to leave, either - but those people, they'd force us to stay if they could. You must see the constant attempts at demoralisation, telling us that it's hopeless.
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Date: 2023-01-19 09:03 pm (UTC)[Sound familiar?]
That's the point I'm really trying to make here. It's hard. It's not impossible. And I think there are a few things most of us are capable of reaching a consensus on even if we can't agree completely. A shared goal isn't out of the question.
[It still pains him that she thinks those who are saying they can't return are trying to deliberately demoralize her. That's something she's going to just have to take some time to come to terms with. Pushing obviously isn't the answer.]
I'm not sure I see it exactly that same way. Maybe some are doing that. Most, I think, really believe it and think they are helping you by saying so. I try not to look at it from a malicious point of view. And, if it came down to it, if we found a way to get off this ship, I don't really think those people would stop us. Caution us, maybe. But not force us to stay.
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Date: 2023-01-19 09:37 pm (UTC)I don't think it's all that whether the intent is malicious or not. You- [a brief hesitation, but Ari's been honest with him before, there's no reason to stop now.] You know how difficult this has been for me. How I've had to try hard to find reasons to keep going. If anything it's easier if they're malicious about it. There's always the potential to find common ground with an enemy someday, reach some understanding. Someone trying to destroy your reason for survival because they think they're helping you? That's worse.
See, I don't think ship-wide consensus is possible on anything here, but I think maybe what you and I have is. We can't agree even about this, but there's no hostility between us. We can respect one another's perspectives, keep peaceable contract. Friendship despite the disagreements. There's value in that, right?
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Date: 2023-01-23 01:12 am (UTC)[Understatement of the year right there.]
But, yes, of course, there's value in that. There's value in respecting that we are all people with a right to our own convictions. If we can all agree that we deserve to make it out of this alive, first of all, that would be a good step.
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Date: 2023-01-23 12:11 pm (UTC)[She really wouldn't be saying that she trusted him and thought of him like a shipmate if he'd been one of the people trying to tear her down and crush her hopes. But there's no point in revisiting old troubles.]
You had an enemy with you on Moya? What happened? Couldn't you get rid of them? You're right, if they're a true enemy then finding common ground would be incredibly difficult. Very low probability. Just not impossible, that's all I meant. [An enemy attacking you was to be expected, but a friend doing it would cause more damage.]
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Date: 2023-01-25 08:39 pm (UTC)I want you to know I'll always be here to support you and talk you through things if and when you need it. You can count on me.
[That he can promise. That, he will always promise. He'll have her back.]
His name is Scorpius. I've got something he wants and he's willing to go to any length to get it from me. He saw his chance when he found my previous girlfriend, Aeryn, dying from heat delirium. He stabilized her with special cooling technology he uses in his own suit. She had to... wear his suit to keep her from overheating.
[It still makes him queasy to remember how she looked with that mask on. Like his worst nightmares come to life.]
She made me promise not to kill him. He moved in and... there was nothing I could do about it. If I kicked him out, she'd die. If I killed him, she'd die. I was living with an evil genius just biding his damn time to get at me. Guess I have some experience living with my tormentor already, too.
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