I was sorry to hear you were so distraught after what happened.
Arthur is... doing as well as usual. That's open to interpretation. I might get in some trouble with him if I drink too much since we told each other we'd try to cut back, but this is a special occasion and he still owes me one for the day after Christmas.
I'll come meet you in ten minutes.
[He'll come with an olive branch in hand in the form of some snacks and candy to go along with their drinking.]
[He doesnt know how to explain it. Maybe in person? He misses his friend!! But he can respect that idea.]
That is an American New Year's tradition, is it not? Becoming better. Resolutions. I am not religious, so I haven't done any Japanese ones. I wonder of I should make Yato lottery fortunes people could pull, but I think he isn't in shape for that yet.
Valdis drained my soul energy next to nothing so I couldn't fight. I thought I failed Yato. All night I wanted him to call on me, when he finally did, i balked. I didnt want to fight Valdis and make Klaus cry. Then it did not matter. Klaus left me. I was not abandoned, I still had Teyrey, but I nearly broke her again, after I promised to never order her to think like me, to stretch her imagination like that, ever again.
Is there another game we could play? More in line with your promise to Arthur?
I understand. It can be hard. It's okay. You can take your time.
I'll grab a pack of cards on my way over.
[Before too much longer, he arrives on the scene with the promised cards in one hand and a sack of assorted candy in the other. He stopped at the sundries on his way.]
[It's so rare in his time. Does anyone know? Crichton must. It's like human things on the other side of the world.]
[He wants to say something, not cry... but...]
[Ugh grown ass demon king. He needs a Crichton hug and doesnt know how to ask.]
[And just kind of... wibbles.]
Hideyoshi wouldn't let me have sugar right now.... [This is what he goes with as he gets up and moves to lean on Crichton, dangerously close to bawling.]
Why did you feel like an outsider???? You make me think I'm secretly American, just a couple centuries too early! [Sniffle! Oh so tentatively hugs!]
No one else had to die! I had to at least try, right? Even if it's impossible and hopeless? Why did it wind up like this? I was scared of making him cry, and it wasn't enough, I failed Yato, and my ex still cried and walked away. I told you I love you so-- [Hiccups. He's a million kinds of not okay.]
[He wasn't sure what to expect, not after Ari explained to him how betrayed Nobunaga felt. So, it comes as a surprise to have the man suddenly leaning on him, close to tears and just about as emotional as he thinks he's ever seen. He does wrap and arm around Nobunaga to give him a hug back, because it just feels right.]
I know you were just trying to do the right thing. I think Klaus knows that too.
[He's going to gently attempt to guide Nobunaga back into a chair so he can say this next part without worrying about him collapsing.]
The sticking point is that you said you were willing to cut everyone out of your life if they didn't go along with you. Klaus heard that and... assumed you were rejecting him. That's why he left.
Me? I didn't know what the hell was going on. I didn't have a clue you were making ultimatums over there in the first place. I still don't know what your deal is with Yato or Valdis, or how you turned into that gunblade. So... yeah, I do feel a little lost in all this. It doesn't mean I don't still see you as a friend. But, I'd like a chance to speak for myself before you write me off.
[More importantly, the words calm him way the fuck down.]
[He debates more alcohol, but even Nobunaga isn't quite that rude.]
[Man, where does he even begin? The not cutting people out of his life is most important, and thats why it's dead last, because Nobunaga has to work up to it.]
Why would I cut out the strongest people I've ever met? [A mumble! It doesn't count he has to think still!]
Yato is a Japanese God. Of fortune. [Of calamity. But people can change that. And Nobunaga and Yato don't want to genocide anymore.]
I wanted to free some of the ghosts, if their will was so strong about not returning to the void, then they shouldn't have to. But Ava refused to try necromancy because Skulduggery told her not to. And I was getting desperate without ideas. So I asked Yato, even though I've declared war on almost all gods, I just figured, I had nothing to lose. Chase, the kid inside Rich, and a few others managed to regain their bodies. I thanked Yato but he didn't do it. But Amaterasu time traveled here, and I thought, [Points to his temple.] "Aha, I must make this happen myself."
Yato uses human souls as blades. Weapons. All Japanese gods can do this, turn dead humans into shinki. Without one he was defenseless, and he couldn't do any of his God stuff -- I mean he could, but only like a normal human. Run around doing odd jobs. That's why I like him. I have more respect for him, because he comes face to face with anyone who calls on him. Most gods uh, definitely do not. So I wanted to be his shinki. His weapon. Klaus and I had a huge fight in November about how he doesn't want to be a weapon, and I can't just do things without telling him, so I did ask him if it was okay. And I told Yato too, I couldn't do it if it's not okay with Kla-- [He just SAID his name, come on Nobunaga! He falters though, blushing and frowning.] Them. So they had to meet.
Valdis I instantly offered to be an ally, join my army, and have fun with us. Because she's always been a loner, but she's fought demons and angels, and is a God slayer, and we write poetry back and forth, except I wanted to play a word game with her and I got too carried away and turned her haiku into a song. Teyrey offered her soul energy, Valdis can drain it and uses it got regeneration, but at the time, Valdis was like "what the hell is this trap?"
In Tommy Bahamas, mapping infinity, Erin admitted she has a tough time with Teyrey because Teyrey can be so prickly. And here I am, a walking disaster, and I couldn't be closer. So I explained it. The things Teyrey respects, what sets her off, and why we get along better than she does others. And how to talk to her better. And Valdis was in the same boat. Metaphorically.
So I talked to Valdis about it too. How Valdis couldn't stand feeling me and Kl-- [His throat seizes up.] Ah. How much I adore... someone... [Flustered!!!] And knew I wanted to protect them, no matter what. Because I told her so. And Teyrey and I had just formalized our contract. It's usually -- I try not to do that. Demon pacts are... a bad idea. Ugh... literally the worst idea. I told Teyrey never trust my words, only my actions. Cross reference everything I say, because maybe I'll be wrong. But never ever enter a pact with demons. Because we'll just twist it... use it to hurt all you love. And if you love pacts as much as Teyrey does, because that's her culture? Then they'll definitely make you hate it.
So Valdis was pretty surprised I entered such a thing, and I told her that's not all, I wanted to be a weapon for Yato and give him my soul. Especially because I don't want it going to some sort of ship void. And it's not like even a God can force me to do something I don't want. She asked instead to give her my soul, and she would use it to protect Teyrey and Klaus. [Hah! Said it!] But that's not what I want. I mean yes. I do want to protect them, but it's not a totality. Kla-- [Damn it!] They aren't so weak that they can't move on their own. And I told her before, I don't like to micromanage anyone. If I got that mini-purse, I would keep a spider minion in it. Though not around my ex. He'd have freaked out, and been bitten. Like how I don't keep knives places he could have tripped on them.
Anyway...
I don't know. I feel like I don't know anything. Valdis was mad at me for playing Siffleur's game and losing too, but Teyrey wrote it into our contract that I don't do that kind of thing anymore. Because if I was at home or Hideyoshi were here, I couldn't do it either, because I wouldn't be alive to stop him from doing something annoying and stupid. And Klaus was obviously not happy about it either. I don't know what went down between Valdis and Siffleur, but she got kind of murder high after killing him, and we flirted, and I brought her back to my ex. And we didn't dance like I originally planned.
[He doesn't tell Crichton they had a threesome, purely because he has it on his list not to tell Crichton sexual things. But it's open to interpretation.]
And then I became Yato's shinki. He's never had a gun before. He always has blades. If a different God named me, I'd be something different for them probably. My name is Mizune. I can't transform on my own, and I also gave him my cursed blade, so if it ever does absorb magic like the bahamanals, then Yato is probably best primed to neutralize it... but I'm still scared, friend. No one individually could stop Skulduggery, and I have... killed a lot of people. As Mizune, I can cut invisible things, like the rules, and through walls, but I can also make it that I don't cut people, they won't even feel it.
When I was investigating everything, Teyrey had her speech about not playing along with the Captain's game. If we all refused, then what could he do about it? I got mad at her. Hella frustrated. Because I don't consider the Captain my enemy, I just think he's scared and weak, but not that he wanted us to all murder each other. And at the wedding I told her, Skulduggery betrayed no one. So the teens throwing a fit about it, are just being really pathetic, and I know she's better than that. We got heated, but she said it could be armor. I wanted to prove it's not one of us, that we didn't need to be a pathetic weak mob scared of each other. Everyone got taken out one by one, right? At most two. But they were hunted, and mostly defenseless. Which means the only thing I can do differently is make sure... you're all ready together to deal with my past... because... I'm probably next, Crichton. If magic can just latch onto someone's past, then everyone closest to me is more in danger than everyone else. Because if say, my sword resented being out of use, going the longest I have since I was a child without killing anyone. Then yeah. Of course they're going after those I love, the reason I'm not killing all the time.
When I thought it must be armor, at the very least magic, I knew Yato and I could deal with it, because that's what he does in Japan. I knew Valdis could deal with it, because her sword is to kill that which isn't meant to die. But Teyrey either couldn't or wouldn't summon Valdis like I can Yato, so I went to see if Skulduggery could find it himself, using magic.
Ah "magic" is also my code word with Teyrey. So it's always difficult to discuss Skulduggery without using that.
Anyway... I told Cassandra to keep an eye out for anyone acting... off. And logically speaking, that was Skulduggery. But it's not like we're friends. I trust what he said, he helped me settle on trying to break everyone free to find their own happiness. And he wouldn't say that if he was manipulating is to help the Captain. Because originally I wasn't going to try breaking people free. For me., this was closer to heaven than I'd ever be in my time. So my perspective is skewed, I figured people just needed to learn how to enjoy it. He was the one who convinced me to go bigger. So I did. I told Teyrey that too.
[A headshake.] I said everyone thinks of Skulduggery as the man with a plan. Ava trusts his plans. And if he's so lost, he can still reach out to me, because what's the worst that could happen? He said he trusted the Captain's plan.
[Pinches the bridge between his eyes.]
I told him outright. I can't. Not ever. One, I don't usually trust people, I trust motivations. Two, I definitely have no respect for someone who doesn't come talk to me face to face. I will fight for the lowliest untouchable if they can work up the courage to come talk to me. Like Jesus healing lepers. Otherwise... I'll fight Amaterasu herself for ignoring me. She's the sun goddess of Japan. The top boss of Yato. He's like my AU twin and willing to go to war with her too. But even so... I still respect Skulduggery. Or did. I don't give a fuck about the Captain. For all I care, he might as well not exist. That's how weak and powerless I think he is. I don't think he brings anyone here. I know he's trapped and -- thirdly? He wants to become a God right? Amaterasu once told me people should do more for themselves. And Yato agrees. Gods can't save anyone. People have to save each other. So involving himself like this, having some big stupid plan he didn't tell anyone? That's not what gods do, nor should they.
So I told Skulduggery that too. And I asked him, will it make the Captain happier to do it his way, than if I interfere, if Yato and I hunt down the armor, and not let the Captain do his plan? Because most days... the only thing I can do is just try to make my ex smile and then I feel like things are all right. And I figured, Skulduggery was probably the same. He couldn't answer it.
I left to find Yato, but I couldn't, we ran out of time.
At the start of the trial, K- my ex, was hitting the withdrawal stage. So I gave him my konpeito flask repurposed for alcohol for times like this. And he asked my plan. I didn't have one. Just a thousand ideas, and not enough time to test them. So I told him everything I could. I told him I would buy him time right then and there. He said... [Fuck it. Crying.] he'd always love me? And I told him how scared I was. Because... I'm so useless with magic. And he always says.... I say I don't deserve happiness and love and all these good things, being happy while everyone is miserable. And if it was me, yeah of course I'd want to be killed. But it doesn't solve things. And... [Hiccup.] He said n-not to get hurt and I said I couldn't promise that... but I said no matter what we'd work it out?
[Cries!! Head in arms. Bluuuuh.]
[Breathe.]
Demons are summoned, allowed to possess people who let them into their heart, in exchange for killing innocents. Sacrifices. That's how I became the Demon King of 6th Heaven. None of my Generals agreed. What I did was horrific. But I'm still that same man Crichton, I'd do it again. I tried every last thing I could think of to make the cult cease. I offered dozens of surrenders.
They began calling me the Demon King because they were so scared that surrendering meant forsaking their souls, giving into the temptation I was desperately trying to give them to just live and survive. They'd not only rather die than that, but they'd rather kill other innocents too.
I got fed up. To drag it out would be torture. Kill everyone slowly. A drawn out starvation siege involving children, they might even salt their own lands. Because they believe that starvation is proof of their strength.
No one has to agree with me on any damn thing. Not ever. Tell me where which I'm way I'm wrong. I still might do it though. Because I didn't burn Mt. Hiei because it was right. I knew the whole world would hate me, and they fucking should. That's what I deserve. And no amount of love will convince me I deserve that. I did it because I'm the only bastard sadistic enough to cut through it and say, "Enough. I'm not going to waste my own troops so you can convince more idiots that there's something noble in this. If you want to die martyrs, just do it quickly in a blaze."
[The not drinking thing fails, and Nobunaga grabs a bottle without looking, and chugs.]
The living have to carry on the wishes of the dead. Every time I have to talk to the mother of a fallen soldier, or deal with the enemies and try to convince them I'm still offering a better way forward, I've never ever forgotten this.
I cut almost all of my family out of my life. My brothes I didn't kill are off living a separate life so they're not stuck in my shadow. Oichi and my best general, my brother-in-law, I couldn't even contact them, only Hideyoshi can. Gozen, my mother is exiled to retreat. This is so they can't be tortured and used as bargaining chips. That's how demon kings work. We take what you love, and twist it. We make you hate it, resent it, resent living. And we make you blame yourself, like I do, so that you're too scared to have people around you because that's how you break someone. Yato's been there too. I'll never ever ever use hate as a weapon. It's ineffective, and toxic to oneself. Even if you won, you didn't win anything. But even so, I don't care if I'm hated, it's easier than being loved. [Extremely somber face to Crichton because...] You're the first idiot who ever said they loved me....
[HUFF!!!!] Sometimes I wonder if it means the same thing at all... but even if it doesn't... it means everything to me.
Valdis didn't know I wouldn't hurt the Captain. She's never figured out her aim here, her motivations, and I don't-- trust people usually, just their motivations. Because I can compare it. I can say, ah this is in line with their actions. This makes sense. I know Valdis would protect Klaus against anything. Probably even myself, so I was willing to let her play with him with me, but I thought she was in a position like Mitsuhide, where he might go against me, publicly, privately, but I could still always know he has the same goal in mind, to drag Japan out of hell to join the real world. Even if it meant my life.
Valdis... did the opposite. She wanted to protect my life even at the cost of my objective. I got so scared. All I could see in my mind was Klaus crying. And I couldn't take it. I was scared, when I shouldn't have been. I wasn't in danger, and Yato and I weren't going to hurt anyone. We didnt try another way, one where no one else had to die! We weren't organized either though!
I thought I failed him by balking, but he said it was just too dangerous. I could have endangered the whole room, defeating the purpose of no one dying. So he ordered me to revert. He had to order me twice. I couldn't talk to Valdis like that, only Yato probably could hear me, but as it was, he and I hadn't had a chance to discuss our options. And that's just it. It was options, not a plan. I can't... plan around magic. It's too damn infinite. But Valdis accidentally cut off most of my ideas.
I think people thought Yato and I had a plan, because we're AU twins. We're really damn alike. And he was pissed at the Captain. And the Captain kept ordering him to bow, and--
Ugh... you don't get it. President's handshake... Yeah, bows are commonplace in Japan, but not for people like me, and definitely not for Yato. Remember how mad I was that Arthur couldn't even see mine? Before here I only bowed like... five times, my whole life? Once for winning my sumo competition and it was such a big deal the winner sang and danced, he was that happy about it. I'll do it here, even though people don't understand, I especially couldn't bow to foreigners, and risk cheapening it... Yato doesn't bow. He might refuse even Amaterasu even if she killed him. This is how we are. The most stubborn. He wouldn't call on me either. I was freaking out.
I was scared, am scared, that those closest will be tortured, I was hurt and furious with Valdis. And if she was going to value my life more than my objectives, then I would make that so she could not. The ultimatum I gave her was that if we didn't at least try to change the rules, then everyone around me would get to experience hell, my past, and it would torture everyone she's started to care about here. And anyone who couldn't at least try to fight that kind of injustice was too weak to withstand that hell, too weak to protect themselves, so I'd do it again. Exile Oichi and Gozen, and anyone else.
But Valdis drained my soul instead to the point I could barely talk or move, and dumped me back at K- my ex's feet. I tried to show him, "Hey I'm still alive, even though I failed pretty dramatically, kind of funny, huh? Don't worry. Don't cry. " But he ran away. And he's been crying ever since.
And I tried... again. Again, I still fucking tried. I said, if you don't want to kill Skulduggery, to blame him when he can't remember what happened clearly wasn't in control, then don't. Don't vote to execute him even for the one day. Because Klaus told me ... [Hiccup. He said the name, but it hurts more than he accounted for!] You have to do what you want. Or it doesn't count. And if people didn't want this rule, they could still defy it. They could still say, "nah fuck the sacrifice rule, I won't." Or at minimum, distinguish Skulduggery of now, versus the magics that killed others. And also... then people wouldn't be sacrificing themselves with it either, doing something they hate.
Ugh I don't... I don't care anymore. I'm so exhausted by the whole thing. I'm trying to remember why I don't hate humanity, but when people just... do that? Yeah. It's hard. And I miss him like I'm traumatized inside out, and I can't even text him because it hurts too much. And if he couldn't deal with me, then maybe he still can't. I'm tired of hurting, I'm tired of hurting everyone around me. And the last thing I want to hear is, "Well it's just how magic works." I don't accept it. And won't.
I will get more organized but first I need to stop being broken and useless like this.
[As he listens, he finds himself both glad he's sober so he has a chance in hell of following any of this but also wishing he could reach for a drink because it's... a lot to unpack. He barely knows where to begin.
He is, unfortunately, already aware of the threesome that took place since Klaus spilled the beans on that. He didn't quite know the context for it, though. That's an entire other can of worms.
As much as Crichton wants to fulfill that request, to tell him something good, what he really might need first is a little tough love.]
Here's the thing, Nobunaga, not everyone follows the same line of thinking you do. I know you know that but you're still acting like them not seeing if from your point of view was some mix of cowardly or betrayal. You say it's fine if they hate you for it but is it really? You didn't want to make Klaus upset but acting like your own life isn't worth anything was always going to upset him. Wouldn't you be upset if Klaus acted like that? You can't preach about how Skulduggery's life has value worth saving while saying yours doesn't. What Klaus saw was you willing to throw it all away, including him.
When you talk about cutting out your family, how do you think that makes Klaus feel? I know you were doing it for a good reason, but you have to remember that Klaus has family baggage of his own. He couldn't deal with the fear that you were going to leave him over this because it's happened to him too many times. So he left first to protect himself.
That entire situation was terrible. And, yes, I agree with you that it's not exactly fair to blame Skulduggery for murders he can't remember committing. But when he said this was the best way, I believed him. I have my own reasons for that too. I'm not about to apologize for that any more than you are.
But, what I really think you need to do is get it out of your head that you're doing this alone now. If you really want to be with Klaus, you're going to have to view him as your equal. That means he's allowed to protect you, too. He should be allowed to disagree with your method without being afraid you're going to cut him out for it. If you can't do that, then I'm not sure you're right for each other."
I do. He's my p- pa... Spouse in crime. [Growl growl growl.] Not just my equal, the strongest damn asshole I've ever met! [Kind of aims a punch at the bar but whiffs.] 'm not alone. Not just 'cause Teyrey and Yato. [Hiccups. And his left hand goes to his right arm, the 4 tattoo.] I had to in the past, doesn't mean I will now. I would never do it to K-- him. I told 'im. I said... even if he leaves I'll come find him... [And he will. Maybe. He wants to. He has to stop being terrified of making it worse first. And folds his arms on the bar and leans his head in them thinking harder.]
You think... he thinks since he's not in my army, he's not family the same way as Teyrey and Yato? [Ring? Or... no not NOW right? Ahhhhhhh...]
[Just another hiccup.]
[Ugh. So many tears, but at least it's quiet now.] I'm jealous. He gets Ava and Valdis to treat him like their brother, but because I can't, I don't count? [Grrr. Grrrrrr.]
I'll show him. [Hiccups.] Not yet. [Huff.] But I'll show him. He can't just get rid of me that easily. Stupid... stupid... [Just lays miserably on the bar.] I still wanna marry him. Maybe... Maybe I can't. But he has to at least... say it to my stupid face first.
How come he'll fix things with his siblings and not me? It's not even just history, he'd do it with a new one. [Hiccup.] I deserve that much. Even I know it. Probably.
Criiiichton... [Not completely a whine, but definitely pretty damn close!] We need to do more stuff together. Anything. S'just... I can't fast track 2 decades. But we don't have that much time to get years and years so gotta condense it. [Hand into fist.] That way you don't think you're out of the loop ever. Okay?
I think you need to tell him that, then, if that's what you mean. That you weren't going to cut him off for not agreeing with you about what to do.
Nobody here should be forced to act like a family together if they don't want to. But, the way people end up feeling like a family in the first place is if they feel like they can trust each other. That takes talking, and listening, and following-through on the things we promise. It doesn't just happen.
Try focusing on what you think he deserves, man. He's not betraying you by having a family any more than you are. You've got people looking after you right now, too, don't you?
[He happens to know that Ari has been doing the lion share of that lately.]
Give it some time, and then go find him. He needs to know you'll listen before he can say what he might need to say to your face.
[He sighs and shakes his head a little at that whine, but there's half a smile lingering on his lips. When did he become such a love guru?]
Okay. We'll do more together. But you might have to sober up a little first.
[That's a joke. He knows what you really mean, but this is to hopefully help lighten the mood.]
I've never broken any promises to him. [Or anyone? Arguably. He can't remember any, but it might be because he's drunk.] What he deserves. Got it. [The easier part. The harder part is making sure Klaus doesn't think he deserves worse than he usually does and --] John... Please make sure he doesn't hurt himself. Worse than usual. He's going to be... [Ugh just cradles his head in his arms again.] I once told Arthur if I ever fell, I expected you and him would look after Klaus like that, so of course I would do the same. [Lightly kicks the bar like a toddler.] He's much worse to himself than I am. To myself I mean. And I am not very gentle on anyone, but I'm worst to myself. Please don't let him go too far. I know you won't punch him, but at least... treat him like a baby brother who's getting out of line.
[Oblivious that he's getting that treatment now, but it's working at least?]
[And Nobuanga attempts a wan sort of smile at the joke.] What is the most fun game you've ever played?
[A satisfied nod. He told Klaus that ages ago. Then a shrug and he thinks about games, because it's better.] Probably Go. No two games are ever the same, but I'm partial to anything really. Yasuke taught me mancala. I thought perhaps, you knew some alien one. Eridan's people play some really advanced games. I still don't know any card games though.
Yahtzee is dice, what is Uno?
Edited (belated typo notice orz) Date: 2023-01-22 06:19 am (UTC)
Hm. If you like Go then you might like Chess. Ever played? Oh, damn, I forgot about Mancala. I can't believe that, it's a classic. Easy to make in a pinch too.
[Hm. Maybe he could try and do that here. He could steal stuff from the shop for it.]
I tried to learn some of the alien ones but I wasn't so great with it. I don't know that I'd be able to teach you. But if you want cards, Uno is that. I know how to play Go Fish too. And poker.
I'm familiar with Chess. [He does his best to keep his tone neutral about it!] Japan has its own version called Shogi, Oichi was very fond of.
[And a nod about Mancala!] I made Eridan play a version of it with me using bar glasses and bottlecaps.
Ah yes, I remember Go Fish I think. Is there two-person poker? I will try it. It seems like it'd be useful if Mitsuhide ever shows up, though he'd undoubtedly be a master, even without knowing it yet. Do you know how old it is? He might have learned it from the Portuguese, in which case my disadvantage would be even greater.
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Text / After Nobunaga talks to Valdis, Jeff (ofc), & more importantly Teyrey who talked to Crichton
Date: 2023-01-02 10:19 am (UTC)[Oh right. He only does manners at times like this. How did he forget?]
Thank you for looking after my Second-In-Command.
I would like your presence at Topy in order to renew our drinking contest. This time I will win.
Take your time.
- 😈
P.S. How is Arthur?
Or disregard. IDK.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-04 08:09 pm (UTC)Arthur is... doing as well as usual. That's open to interpretation. I might get in some trouble with him if I drink too much since we told each other we'd try to cut back, but this is a special occasion and he still owes me one for the day after Christmas.
I'll come meet you in ten minutes.
[He'll come with an olive branch in hand in the form of some snacks and candy to go along with their drinking.]
no subject
Date: 2023-01-04 09:25 pm (UTC)That is an American New Year's tradition, is it not? Becoming better. Resolutions. I am not religious, so I haven't done any Japanese ones. I wonder of I should make Yato lottery fortunes people could pull, but I think he isn't in shape for that yet.
Valdis drained my soul energy next to nothing so I couldn't fight. I thought I failed Yato. All night I wanted him to call on me, when he finally did, i balked. I didnt want to fight Valdis and make Klaus cry. Then it did not matter. Klaus left me. I was not abandoned, I still had Teyrey, but I nearly broke her again, after I promised to never order her to think like me, to stretch her imagination like that, ever again.
Is there another game we could play? More in line with your promise to Arthur?
[Candy is definitely his favorite!]
no subject
Date: 2023-01-09 03:56 pm (UTC)I'm sorry it all happened that way. I really didn't realize what was going on. I still feel a little like an outsider looking in on it.
I don't know... you ever played Go Fish before?
no subject
Date: 2023-01-09 04:10 pm (UTC)I played it while we tried to map infinity, yes. So you won't have to teach me anything.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-11 04:58 am (UTC)I'll grab a pack of cards on my way over.
[Before too much longer, he arrives on the scene with the promised cards in one hand and a sack of assorted candy in the other. He stopped at the sundries on his way.]
Hey. It's good to see you.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-11 06:03 am (UTC)[It's so rare in his time. Does anyone know? Crichton must. It's like human things on the other side of the world.]
[He wants to say something, not cry... but...]
[Ugh grown ass demon king. He needs a Crichton hug and doesnt know how to ask.]
[And just kind of... wibbles.]
Hideyoshi wouldn't let me have sugar right now.... [This is what he goes with as he gets up and moves to lean on Crichton, dangerously close to bawling.]
Why did you feel like an outsider???? You make me think I'm secretly American, just a couple centuries too early! [Sniffle! Oh so tentatively hugs!]
No one else had to die! I had to at least try, right? Even if it's impossible and hopeless? Why did it wind up like this? I was scared of making him cry, and it wasn't enough, I failed Yato, and my ex still cried and walked away. I told you I love you so-- [Hiccups. He's a million kinds of not okay.]
no subject
Date: 2023-01-11 07:32 pm (UTC)I know you were just trying to do the right thing. I think Klaus knows that too.
[He's going to gently attempt to guide Nobunaga back into a chair so he can say this next part without worrying about him collapsing.]
The sticking point is that you said you were willing to cut everyone out of your life if they didn't go along with you. Klaus heard that and... assumed you were rejecting him. That's why he left.
Me? I didn't know what the hell was going on. I didn't have a clue you were making ultimatums over there in the first place. I still don't know what your deal is with Yato or Valdis, or how you turned into that gunblade. So... yeah, I do feel a little lost in all this. It doesn't mean I don't still see you as a friend. But, I'd like a chance to speak for myself before you write me off.
1/2
Date: 2023-01-11 10:17 pm (UTC)[More importantly, the words calm him way the fuck down.]
[He debates more alcohol, but even Nobunaga isn't quite that rude.]
[Man, where does he even begin? The not cutting people out of his life is most important, and thats why it's dead last, because Nobunaga has to work up to it.]
Why would I cut out the strongest people I've ever met? [A mumble! It doesn't count he has to think still!]
Yato is a Japanese God. Of fortune. [Of calamity. But people can change that. And Nobunaga and Yato don't want to genocide anymore.]
I wanted to free some of the ghosts, if their will was so strong about not returning to the void, then they shouldn't have to. But Ava refused to try necromancy because Skulduggery told her not to. And I was getting desperate without ideas. So I asked Yato, even though I've declared war on almost all gods, I just figured, I had nothing to lose. Chase, the kid inside Rich, and a few others managed to regain their bodies. I thanked Yato but he didn't do it. But Amaterasu time traveled here, and I thought, [Points to his temple.] "Aha, I must make this happen myself."
Yato uses human souls as blades. Weapons. All Japanese gods can do this, turn dead humans into shinki. Without one he was defenseless, and he couldn't do any of his God stuff -- I mean he could, but only like a normal human. Run around doing odd jobs. That's why I like him. I have more respect for him, because he comes face to face with anyone who calls on him. Most gods uh, definitely do not. So I wanted to be his shinki. His weapon. Klaus and I had a huge fight in November about how he doesn't want to be a weapon, and I can't just do things without telling him, so I did ask him if it was okay. And I told Yato too, I couldn't do it if it's not okay with Kla-- [He just SAID his name, come on Nobunaga! He falters though, blushing and frowning.] Them. So they had to meet.
Valdis I instantly offered to be an ally, join my army, and have fun with us. Because she's always been a loner, but she's fought demons and angels, and is a God slayer, and we write poetry back and forth, except I wanted to play a word game with her and I got too carried away and turned her haiku into a song. Teyrey offered her soul energy, Valdis can drain it and uses it got regeneration, but at the time, Valdis was like "what the hell is this trap?"
In Tommy Bahamas, mapping infinity, Erin admitted she has a tough time with Teyrey because Teyrey can be so prickly. And here I am, a walking disaster, and I couldn't be closer. So I explained it. The things Teyrey respects, what sets her off, and why we get along better than she does others. And how to talk to her better. And Valdis was in the same boat. Metaphorically.
So I talked to Valdis about it too. How Valdis couldn't stand feeling me and Kl-- [His throat seizes up.] Ah. How much I adore... someone... [Flustered!!!] And knew I wanted to protect them, no matter what. Because I told her so. And Teyrey and I had just formalized our contract. It's usually -- I try not to do that. Demon pacts are... a bad idea. Ugh... literally the worst idea. I told Teyrey never trust my words, only my actions. Cross reference everything I say, because maybe I'll be wrong. But never ever enter a pact with demons. Because we'll just twist it... use it to hurt all you love. And if you love pacts as much as Teyrey does, because that's her culture? Then they'll definitely make you hate it.
So Valdis was pretty surprised I entered such a thing, and I told her that's not all, I wanted to be a weapon for Yato and give him my soul. Especially because I don't want it going to some sort of ship void. And it's not like even a God can force me to do something I don't want. She asked instead to give her my soul, and she would use it to protect Teyrey and Klaus. [Hah! Said it!] But that's not what I want. I mean yes. I do want to protect them, but it's not a totality. Kla-- [Damn it!] They aren't so weak that they can't move on their own. And I told her before, I don't like to micromanage anyone. If I got that mini-purse, I would keep a spider minion in it. Though not around my ex. He'd have freaked out, and been bitten. Like how I don't keep knives places he could have tripped on them.
Anyway...
I don't know. I feel like I don't know anything. Valdis was mad at me for playing Siffleur's game and losing too, but Teyrey wrote it into our contract that I don't do that kind of thing anymore. Because if I was at home or Hideyoshi were here, I couldn't do it either, because I wouldn't be alive to stop him from doing something annoying and stupid. And Klaus was obviously not happy about it either. I don't know what went down between Valdis and Siffleur, but she got kind of murder high after killing him, and we flirted, and I brought her back to my ex. And we didn't dance like I originally planned.
[He doesn't tell Crichton they had a threesome, purely because he has it on his list not to tell Crichton sexual things. But it's open to interpretation.]
And then I became Yato's shinki. He's never had a gun before. He always has blades. If a different God named me, I'd be something different for them probably. My name is Mizune. I can't transform on my own, and I also gave him my cursed blade, so if it ever does absorb magic like the bahamanals, then Yato is probably best primed to neutralize it... but I'm still scared, friend. No one individually could stop Skulduggery, and I have... killed a lot of people. As Mizune, I can cut invisible things, like the rules, and through walls, but I can also make it that I don't cut people, they won't even feel it.
When I was investigating everything, Teyrey had her speech about not playing along with the Captain's game. If we all refused, then what could he do about it? I got mad at her. Hella frustrated. Because I don't consider the Captain my enemy, I just think he's scared and weak, but not that he wanted us to all murder each other. And at the wedding I told her, Skulduggery betrayed no one. So the teens throwing a fit about it, are just being really pathetic, and I know she's better than that. We got heated, but she said it could be armor. I wanted to prove it's not one of us, that we didn't need to be a pathetic weak mob scared of each other. Everyone got taken out one by one, right? At most two. But they were hunted, and mostly defenseless. Which means the only thing I can do differently is make sure... you're all ready together to deal with my past... because... I'm probably next, Crichton. If magic can just latch onto someone's past, then everyone closest to me is more in danger than everyone else. Because if say, my sword resented being out of use, going the longest I have since I was a child without killing anyone. Then yeah. Of course they're going after those I love, the reason I'm not killing all the time.
When I thought it must be armor, at the very least magic, I knew Yato and I could deal with it, because that's what he does in Japan. I knew Valdis could deal with it, because her sword is to kill that which isn't meant to die. But Teyrey either couldn't or wouldn't summon Valdis like I can Yato, so I went to see if Skulduggery could find it himself, using magic.
Ah "magic" is also my code word with Teyrey. So it's always difficult to discuss Skulduggery without using that.
Anyway... I told Cassandra to keep an eye out for anyone acting... off. And logically speaking, that was Skulduggery. But it's not like we're friends. I trust what he said, he helped me settle on trying to break everyone free to find their own happiness. And he wouldn't say that if he was manipulating is to help the Captain. Because originally I wasn't going to try breaking people free. For me., this was closer to heaven than I'd ever be in my time. So my perspective is skewed, I figured people just needed to learn how to enjoy it. He was the one who convinced me to go bigger. So I did. I told Teyrey that too.
[A headshake.] I said everyone thinks of Skulduggery as the man with a plan. Ava trusts his plans. And if he's so lost, he can still reach out to me, because what's the worst that could happen? He said he trusted the Captain's plan.
[Pinches the bridge between his eyes.]
I told him outright. I can't. Not ever. One, I don't usually trust people, I trust motivations. Two, I definitely have no respect for someone who doesn't come talk to me face to face. I will fight for the lowliest untouchable if they can work up the courage to come talk to me. Like Jesus healing lepers. Otherwise... I'll fight Amaterasu herself for ignoring me. She's the sun goddess of Japan. The top boss of Yato. He's like my AU twin and willing to go to war with her too. But even so... I still respect Skulduggery. Or did. I don't give a fuck about the Captain. For all I care, he might as well not exist. That's how weak and powerless I think he is. I don't think he brings anyone here. I know he's trapped and -- thirdly? He wants to become a God right? Amaterasu once told me people should do more for themselves. And Yato agrees. Gods can't save anyone. People have to save each other. So involving himself like this, having some big stupid plan he didn't tell anyone? That's not what gods do, nor should they.
So I told Skulduggery that too. And I asked him, will it make the Captain happier to do it his way, than if I interfere, if Yato and I hunt down the armor, and not let the Captain do his plan? Because most days... the only thing I can do is just try to make my ex smile and then I feel like things are all right. And I figured, Skulduggery was probably the same. He couldn't answer it.
I left to find Yato, but I couldn't, we ran out of time.
At the start of the trial, K- my ex, was hitting the withdrawal stage. So I gave him my konpeito flask repurposed for alcohol for times like this. And he asked my plan. I didn't have one. Just a thousand ideas, and not enough time to test them. So I told him everything I could. I told him I would buy him time right then and there. He said... [Fuck it. Crying.] he'd always love me? And I told him how scared I was. Because... I'm so useless with magic. And he always says.... I say I don't deserve happiness and love and all these good things, being happy while everyone is miserable. And if it was me, yeah of course I'd want to be killed. But it doesn't solve things. And... [Hiccup.] He said n-not to get hurt and I said I couldn't promise that... but I said no matter what we'd work it out?
[Cries!! Head in arms. Bluuuuh.]
[Breathe.]
Demons are summoned, allowed to possess people who let them into their heart, in exchange for killing innocents. Sacrifices. That's how I became the Demon King of 6th Heaven. None of my Generals agreed. What I did was horrific. But I'm still that same man Crichton, I'd do it again. I tried every last thing I could think of to make the cult cease. I offered dozens of surrenders.
They began calling me the Demon King because they were so scared that surrendering meant forsaking their souls, giving into the temptation I was desperately trying to give them to just live and survive. They'd not only rather die than that, but they'd rather kill other innocents too.
I got fed up. To drag it out would be torture. Kill everyone slowly. A drawn out starvation siege involving children, they might even salt their own lands. Because they believe that starvation is proof of their strength.
No one has to agree with me on any damn thing. Not ever. Tell me where which I'm way I'm wrong. I still might do it though. Because I didn't burn Mt. Hiei because it was right. I knew the whole world would hate me, and they fucking should. That's what I deserve. And no amount of love will convince me I deserve that. I did it because I'm the only bastard sadistic enough to cut through it and say, "Enough. I'm not going to waste my own troops so you can convince more idiots that there's something noble in this. If you want to die martyrs, just do it quickly in a blaze."
[The not drinking thing fails, and Nobunaga grabs a bottle without looking, and chugs.]
The living have to carry on the wishes of the dead. Every time I have to talk to the mother of a fallen soldier, or deal with the enemies and try to convince them I'm still offering a better way forward, I've never ever forgotten this.
I cut almost all of my family out of my life. My brothes I didn't kill are off living a separate life so they're not stuck in my shadow. Oichi and my best general, my brother-in-law, I couldn't even contact them, only Hideyoshi can. Gozen, my mother is exiled to retreat. This is so they can't be tortured and used as bargaining chips. That's how demon kings work. We take what you love, and twist it. We make you hate it, resent it, resent living. And we make you blame yourself, like I do, so that you're too scared to have people around you because that's how you break someone. Yato's been there too. I'll never ever ever use hate as a weapon. It's ineffective, and toxic to oneself. Even if you won, you didn't win anything. But even so, I don't care if I'm hated, it's easier than being loved. [Extremely somber face to Crichton because...] You're the first idiot who ever said they loved me....
[HUFF!!!!] Sometimes I wonder if it means the same thing at all... but even if it doesn't... it means everything to me.
Valdis didn't know I wouldn't hurt the Captain. She's never figured out her aim here, her motivations, and I don't-- trust people usually, just their motivations. Because I can compare it. I can say, ah this is in line with their actions. This makes sense. I know Valdis would protect Klaus against anything. Probably even myself, so I was willing to let her play with him with me, but I thought she was in a position like Mitsuhide, where he might go against me, publicly, privately, but I could still always know he has the same goal in mind, to drag Japan out of hell to join the real world. Even if it meant my life.
Valdis... did the opposite. She wanted to protect my life even at the cost of my objective. I got so scared. All I could see in my mind was Klaus crying. And I couldn't take it. I was scared, when I shouldn't have been. I wasn't in danger, and Yato and I weren't going to hurt anyone. We didnt try another way, one where no one else had to die! We weren't organized either though!
2/2
Date: 2023-01-11 10:36 pm (UTC)I think people thought Yato and I had a plan, because we're AU twins. We're really damn alike. And he was pissed at the Captain. And the Captain kept ordering him to bow, and--
Ugh... you don't get it. President's handshake... Yeah, bows are commonplace in Japan, but not for people like me, and definitely not for Yato. Remember how mad I was that Arthur couldn't even see mine? Before here I only bowed like... five times, my whole life? Once for winning my sumo competition and it was such a big deal the winner sang and danced, he was that happy about it. I'll do it here, even though people don't understand, I especially couldn't bow to foreigners, and risk cheapening it... Yato doesn't bow. He might refuse even Amaterasu even if she killed him. This is how we are. The most stubborn. He wouldn't call on me either. I was freaking out.
I was scared, am scared, that those closest will be tortured, I was hurt and furious with Valdis. And if she was going to value my life more than my objectives, then I would make that so she could not. The ultimatum I gave her was that if we didn't at least try to change the rules, then everyone around me would get to experience hell, my past, and it would torture everyone she's started to care about here. And anyone who couldn't at least try to fight that kind of injustice was too weak to withstand that hell, too weak to protect themselves, so I'd do it again. Exile Oichi and Gozen, and anyone else.
But Valdis drained my soul instead to the point I could barely talk or move, and dumped me back at K- my ex's feet. I tried to show him, "Hey I'm still alive, even though I failed pretty dramatically, kind of funny, huh? Don't worry. Don't cry. " But he ran away. And he's been crying ever since.
And I tried... again. Again, I still fucking tried. I said, if you don't want to kill Skulduggery, to blame him when he can't remember what happened clearly wasn't in control, then don't. Don't vote to execute him even for the one day. Because Klaus told me ... [Hiccup. He said the name, but it hurts more than he accounted for!] You have to do what you want. Or it doesn't count. And if people didn't want this rule, they could still defy it. They could still say, "nah fuck the sacrifice rule, I won't." Or at minimum, distinguish Skulduggery of now, versus the magics that killed others. And also... then people wouldn't be sacrificing themselves with it either, doing something they hate.
Ugh I don't... I don't care anymore. I'm so exhausted by the whole thing. I'm trying to remember why I don't hate humanity, but when people just... do that? Yeah. It's hard. And I miss him like I'm traumatized inside out, and I can't even text him because it hurts too much. And if he couldn't deal with me, then maybe he still can't. I'm tired of hurting, I'm tired of hurting everyone around me. And the last thing I want to hear is, "Well it's just how magic works." I don't accept it. And won't.
I will get more organized but first I need to stop being broken and useless like this.
Tell me something good, if you've got something.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-16 01:20 am (UTC)He is, unfortunately, already aware of the threesome that took place since Klaus spilled the beans on that. He didn't quite know the context for it, though. That's an entire other can of worms.
As much as Crichton wants to fulfill that request, to tell him something good, what he really might need first is a little tough love.]
Here's the thing, Nobunaga, not everyone follows the same line of thinking you do. I know you know that but you're still acting like them not seeing if from your point of view was some mix of cowardly or betrayal. You say it's fine if they hate you for it but is it really? You didn't want to make Klaus upset but acting like your own life isn't worth anything was always going to upset him. Wouldn't you be upset if Klaus acted like that? You can't preach about how Skulduggery's life has value worth saving while saying yours doesn't. What Klaus saw was you willing to throw it all away, including him.
When you talk about cutting out your family, how do you think that makes Klaus feel? I know you were doing it for a good reason, but you have to remember that Klaus has family baggage of his own. He couldn't deal with the fear that you were going to leave him over this because it's happened to him too many times. So he left first to protect himself.
That entire situation was terrible. And, yes, I agree with you that it's not exactly fair to blame Skulduggery for murders he can't remember committing. But when he said this was the best way, I believed him. I have my own reasons for that too. I'm not about to apologize for that any more than you are.
But, what I really think you need to do is get it out of your head that you're doing this alone now. If you really want to be with Klaus, you're going to have to view him as your equal. That means he's allowed to protect you, too. He should be allowed to disagree with your method without being afraid you're going to cut him out for it. If you can't do that, then I'm not sure you're right for each other."
no subject
Date: 2023-01-16 02:28 am (UTC)I do. He's my p- pa... Spouse in crime. [Growl growl growl.] Not just my equal, the strongest damn asshole I've ever met! [Kind of aims a punch at the bar but whiffs.] 'm not alone. Not just 'cause Teyrey and Yato. [Hiccups. And his left hand goes to his right arm, the 4 tattoo.] I had to in the past, doesn't mean I will now. I would never do it to K-- him. I told 'im. I said... even if he leaves I'll come find him... [And he will. Maybe. He wants to. He has to stop being terrified of making it worse first. And folds his arms on the bar and leans his head in them thinking harder.]
You think... he thinks since he's not in my army, he's not family the same way as Teyrey and Yato? [Ring? Or... no not NOW right? Ahhhhhhh...]
[Just another hiccup.]
[Ugh. So many tears, but at least it's quiet now.] I'm jealous. He gets Ava and Valdis to treat him like their brother, but because I can't, I don't count? [Grrr. Grrrrrr.]
I'll show him. [Hiccups.] Not yet. [Huff.] But I'll show him. He can't just get rid of me that easily. Stupid... stupid... [Just lays miserably on the bar.] I still wanna marry him. Maybe... Maybe I can't. But he has to at least... say it to my stupid face first.
How come he'll fix things with his siblings and not me? It's not even just history, he'd do it with a new one. [Hiccup.] I deserve that much. Even I know it. Probably.
Criiiichton... [Not completely a whine, but definitely pretty damn close!] We need to do more stuff together. Anything. S'just... I can't fast track 2 decades. But we don't have that much time to get years and years so gotta condense it. [Hand into fist.] That way you don't think you're out of the loop ever. Okay?
no subject
Date: 2023-01-19 06:42 pm (UTC)Nobody here should be forced to act like a family together if they don't want to. But, the way people end up feeling like a family in the first place is if they feel like they can trust each other. That takes talking, and listening, and following-through on the things we promise. It doesn't just happen.
Try focusing on what you think he deserves, man. He's not betraying you by having a family any more than you are. You've got people looking after you right now, too, don't you?
[He happens to know that Ari has been doing the lion share of that lately.]
Give it some time, and then go find him. He needs to know you'll listen before he can say what he might need to say to your face.
[He sighs and shakes his head a little at that whine, but there's half a smile lingering on his lips. When did he become such a love guru?]
Okay. We'll do more together. But you might have to sober up a little first.
[That's a joke. He knows what you really mean, but this is to hopefully help lighten the mood.]
no subject
Date: 2023-01-19 07:34 pm (UTC)I've never broken any promises to him. [Or anyone? Arguably. He can't remember any, but it might be because he's drunk.] What he deserves. Got it. [The easier part. The harder part is making sure Klaus doesn't think he deserves worse than he usually does and --] John... Please make sure he doesn't hurt himself. Worse than usual. He's going to be... [Ugh just cradles his head in his arms again.] I once told Arthur if I ever fell, I expected you and him would look after Klaus like that, so of course I would do the same. [Lightly kicks the bar like a toddler.] He's much worse to himself than I am. To myself I mean. And I am not very gentle on anyone, but I'm worst to myself. Please don't let him go too far. I know you won't punch him, but at least... treat him like a baby brother who's getting out of line.
[Oblivious that he's getting that treatment now, but it's working at least?]
[And Nobuanga attempts a wan sort of smile at the joke.] What is the most fun game you've ever played?
no subject
Date: 2023-01-21 03:50 pm (UTC)[Just like he's looking out for you, you big lug.]
Most fun? Hm. I don't know, man. I wasn't real big on board games. Maybe Yahtzee or Uno or something... Why? What's yours?"
no subject
Date: 2023-01-21 04:01 pm (UTC)Yahtzee is dice, what is Uno?
no subject
Date: 2023-01-23 02:00 am (UTC)[Hm. Maybe he could try and do that here. He could steal stuff from the shop for it.]
I tried to learn some of the alien ones but I wasn't so great with it. I don't know that I'd be able to teach you. But if you want cards, Uno is that. I know how to play Go Fish too. And poker.
no subject
Date: 2023-02-06 09:13 am (UTC)[And a nod about Mancala!] I made Eridan play a version of it with me using bar glasses and bottlecaps.
Ah yes, I remember Go Fish I think. Is there two-person poker? I will try it. It seems like it'd be useful if Mitsuhide ever shows up, though he'd undoubtedly be a master, even without knowing it yet. Do you know how old it is? He might have learned it from the Portuguese, in which case my disadvantage would be even greater.