[More importantly, the words calm him way the fuck down.]
[He debates more alcohol, but even Nobunaga isn't quite that rude.]
[Man, where does he even begin? The not cutting people out of his life is most important, and thats why it's dead last, because Nobunaga has to work up to it.]
Why would I cut out the strongest people I've ever met? [A mumble! It doesn't count he has to think still!]
Yato is a Japanese God. Of fortune. [Of calamity. But people can change that. And Nobunaga and Yato don't want to genocide anymore.]
I wanted to free some of the ghosts, if their will was so strong about not returning to the void, then they shouldn't have to. But Ava refused to try necromancy because Skulduggery told her not to. And I was getting desperate without ideas. So I asked Yato, even though I've declared war on almost all gods, I just figured, I had nothing to lose. Chase, the kid inside Rich, and a few others managed to regain their bodies. I thanked Yato but he didn't do it. But Amaterasu time traveled here, and I thought, [Points to his temple.] "Aha, I must make this happen myself."
Yato uses human souls as blades. Weapons. All Japanese gods can do this, turn dead humans into shinki. Without one he was defenseless, and he couldn't do any of his God stuff -- I mean he could, but only like a normal human. Run around doing odd jobs. That's why I like him. I have more respect for him, because he comes face to face with anyone who calls on him. Most gods uh, definitely do not. So I wanted to be his shinki. His weapon. Klaus and I had a huge fight in November about how he doesn't want to be a weapon, and I can't just do things without telling him, so I did ask him if it was okay. And I told Yato too, I couldn't do it if it's not okay with Kla-- [He just SAID his name, come on Nobunaga! He falters though, blushing and frowning.] Them. So they had to meet.
Valdis I instantly offered to be an ally, join my army, and have fun with us. Because she's always been a loner, but she's fought demons and angels, and is a God slayer, and we write poetry back and forth, except I wanted to play a word game with her and I got too carried away and turned her haiku into a song. Teyrey offered her soul energy, Valdis can drain it and uses it got regeneration, but at the time, Valdis was like "what the hell is this trap?"
In Tommy Bahamas, mapping infinity, Erin admitted she has a tough time with Teyrey because Teyrey can be so prickly. And here I am, a walking disaster, and I couldn't be closer. So I explained it. The things Teyrey respects, what sets her off, and why we get along better than she does others. And how to talk to her better. And Valdis was in the same boat. Metaphorically.
So I talked to Valdis about it too. How Valdis couldn't stand feeling me and Kl-- [His throat seizes up.] Ah. How much I adore... someone... [Flustered!!!] And knew I wanted to protect them, no matter what. Because I told her so. And Teyrey and I had just formalized our contract. It's usually -- I try not to do that. Demon pacts are... a bad idea. Ugh... literally the worst idea. I told Teyrey never trust my words, only my actions. Cross reference everything I say, because maybe I'll be wrong. But never ever enter a pact with demons. Because we'll just twist it... use it to hurt all you love. And if you love pacts as much as Teyrey does, because that's her culture? Then they'll definitely make you hate it.
So Valdis was pretty surprised I entered such a thing, and I told her that's not all, I wanted to be a weapon for Yato and give him my soul. Especially because I don't want it going to some sort of ship void. And it's not like even a God can force me to do something I don't want. She asked instead to give her my soul, and she would use it to protect Teyrey and Klaus. [Hah! Said it!] But that's not what I want. I mean yes. I do want to protect them, but it's not a totality. Kla-- [Damn it!] They aren't so weak that they can't move on their own. And I told her before, I don't like to micromanage anyone. If I got that mini-purse, I would keep a spider minion in it. Though not around my ex. He'd have freaked out, and been bitten. Like how I don't keep knives places he could have tripped on them.
Anyway...
I don't know. I feel like I don't know anything. Valdis was mad at me for playing Siffleur's game and losing too, but Teyrey wrote it into our contract that I don't do that kind of thing anymore. Because if I was at home or Hideyoshi were here, I couldn't do it either, because I wouldn't be alive to stop him from doing something annoying and stupid. And Klaus was obviously not happy about it either. I don't know what went down between Valdis and Siffleur, but she got kind of murder high after killing him, and we flirted, and I brought her back to my ex. And we didn't dance like I originally planned.
[He doesn't tell Crichton they had a threesome, purely because he has it on his list not to tell Crichton sexual things. But it's open to interpretation.]
And then I became Yato's shinki. He's never had a gun before. He always has blades. If a different God named me, I'd be something different for them probably. My name is Mizune. I can't transform on my own, and I also gave him my cursed blade, so if it ever does absorb magic like the bahamanals, then Yato is probably best primed to neutralize it... but I'm still scared, friend. No one individually could stop Skulduggery, and I have... killed a lot of people. As Mizune, I can cut invisible things, like the rules, and through walls, but I can also make it that I don't cut people, they won't even feel it.
When I was investigating everything, Teyrey had her speech about not playing along with the Captain's game. If we all refused, then what could he do about it? I got mad at her. Hella frustrated. Because I don't consider the Captain my enemy, I just think he's scared and weak, but not that he wanted us to all murder each other. And at the wedding I told her, Skulduggery betrayed no one. So the teens throwing a fit about it, are just being really pathetic, and I know she's better than that. We got heated, but she said it could be armor. I wanted to prove it's not one of us, that we didn't need to be a pathetic weak mob scared of each other. Everyone got taken out one by one, right? At most two. But they were hunted, and mostly defenseless. Which means the only thing I can do differently is make sure... you're all ready together to deal with my past... because... I'm probably next, Crichton. If magic can just latch onto someone's past, then everyone closest to me is more in danger than everyone else. Because if say, my sword resented being out of use, going the longest I have since I was a child without killing anyone. Then yeah. Of course they're going after those I love, the reason I'm not killing all the time.
When I thought it must be armor, at the very least magic, I knew Yato and I could deal with it, because that's what he does in Japan. I knew Valdis could deal with it, because her sword is to kill that which isn't meant to die. But Teyrey either couldn't or wouldn't summon Valdis like I can Yato, so I went to see if Skulduggery could find it himself, using magic.
Ah "magic" is also my code word with Teyrey. So it's always difficult to discuss Skulduggery without using that.
Anyway... I told Cassandra to keep an eye out for anyone acting... off. And logically speaking, that was Skulduggery. But it's not like we're friends. I trust what he said, he helped me settle on trying to break everyone free to find their own happiness. And he wouldn't say that if he was manipulating is to help the Captain. Because originally I wasn't going to try breaking people free. For me., this was closer to heaven than I'd ever be in my time. So my perspective is skewed, I figured people just needed to learn how to enjoy it. He was the one who convinced me to go bigger. So I did. I told Teyrey that too.
[A headshake.] I said everyone thinks of Skulduggery as the man with a plan. Ava trusts his plans. And if he's so lost, he can still reach out to me, because what's the worst that could happen? He said he trusted the Captain's plan.
[Pinches the bridge between his eyes.]
I told him outright. I can't. Not ever. One, I don't usually trust people, I trust motivations. Two, I definitely have no respect for someone who doesn't come talk to me face to face. I will fight for the lowliest untouchable if they can work up the courage to come talk to me. Like Jesus healing lepers. Otherwise... I'll fight Amaterasu herself for ignoring me. She's the sun goddess of Japan. The top boss of Yato. He's like my AU twin and willing to go to war with her too. But even so... I still respect Skulduggery. Or did. I don't give a fuck about the Captain. For all I care, he might as well not exist. That's how weak and powerless I think he is. I don't think he brings anyone here. I know he's trapped and -- thirdly? He wants to become a God right? Amaterasu once told me people should do more for themselves. And Yato agrees. Gods can't save anyone. People have to save each other. So involving himself like this, having some big stupid plan he didn't tell anyone? That's not what gods do, nor should they.
So I told Skulduggery that too. And I asked him, will it make the Captain happier to do it his way, than if I interfere, if Yato and I hunt down the armor, and not let the Captain do his plan? Because most days... the only thing I can do is just try to make my ex smile and then I feel like things are all right. And I figured, Skulduggery was probably the same. He couldn't answer it.
I left to find Yato, but I couldn't, we ran out of time.
At the start of the trial, K- my ex, was hitting the withdrawal stage. So I gave him my konpeito flask repurposed for alcohol for times like this. And he asked my plan. I didn't have one. Just a thousand ideas, and not enough time to test them. So I told him everything I could. I told him I would buy him time right then and there. He said... [Fuck it. Crying.] he'd always love me? And I told him how scared I was. Because... I'm so useless with magic. And he always says.... I say I don't deserve happiness and love and all these good things, being happy while everyone is miserable. And if it was me, yeah of course I'd want to be killed. But it doesn't solve things. And... [Hiccup.] He said n-not to get hurt and I said I couldn't promise that... but I said no matter what we'd work it out?
[Cries!! Head in arms. Bluuuuh.]
[Breathe.]
Demons are summoned, allowed to possess people who let them into their heart, in exchange for killing innocents. Sacrifices. That's how I became the Demon King of 6th Heaven. None of my Generals agreed. What I did was horrific. But I'm still that same man Crichton, I'd do it again. I tried every last thing I could think of to make the cult cease. I offered dozens of surrenders.
They began calling me the Demon King because they were so scared that surrendering meant forsaking their souls, giving into the temptation I was desperately trying to give them to just live and survive. They'd not only rather die than that, but they'd rather kill other innocents too.
I got fed up. To drag it out would be torture. Kill everyone slowly. A drawn out starvation siege involving children, they might even salt their own lands. Because they believe that starvation is proof of their strength.
No one has to agree with me on any damn thing. Not ever. Tell me where which I'm way I'm wrong. I still might do it though. Because I didn't burn Mt. Hiei because it was right. I knew the whole world would hate me, and they fucking should. That's what I deserve. And no amount of love will convince me I deserve that. I did it because I'm the only bastard sadistic enough to cut through it and say, "Enough. I'm not going to waste my own troops so you can convince more idiots that there's something noble in this. If you want to die martyrs, just do it quickly in a blaze."
[The not drinking thing fails, and Nobunaga grabs a bottle without looking, and chugs.]
The living have to carry on the wishes of the dead. Every time I have to talk to the mother of a fallen soldier, or deal with the enemies and try to convince them I'm still offering a better way forward, I've never ever forgotten this.
I cut almost all of my family out of my life. My brothes I didn't kill are off living a separate life so they're not stuck in my shadow. Oichi and my best general, my brother-in-law, I couldn't even contact them, only Hideyoshi can. Gozen, my mother is exiled to retreat. This is so they can't be tortured and used as bargaining chips. That's how demon kings work. We take what you love, and twist it. We make you hate it, resent it, resent living. And we make you blame yourself, like I do, so that you're too scared to have people around you because that's how you break someone. Yato's been there too. I'll never ever ever use hate as a weapon. It's ineffective, and toxic to oneself. Even if you won, you didn't win anything. But even so, I don't care if I'm hated, it's easier than being loved. [Extremely somber face to Crichton because...] You're the first idiot who ever said they loved me....
[HUFF!!!!] Sometimes I wonder if it means the same thing at all... but even if it doesn't... it means everything to me.
Valdis didn't know I wouldn't hurt the Captain. She's never figured out her aim here, her motivations, and I don't-- trust people usually, just their motivations. Because I can compare it. I can say, ah this is in line with their actions. This makes sense. I know Valdis would protect Klaus against anything. Probably even myself, so I was willing to let her play with him with me, but I thought she was in a position like Mitsuhide, where he might go against me, publicly, privately, but I could still always know he has the same goal in mind, to drag Japan out of hell to join the real world. Even if it meant my life.
Valdis... did the opposite. She wanted to protect my life even at the cost of my objective. I got so scared. All I could see in my mind was Klaus crying. And I couldn't take it. I was scared, when I shouldn't have been. I wasn't in danger, and Yato and I weren't going to hurt anyone. We didnt try another way, one where no one else had to die! We weren't organized either though!
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Date: 2023-01-11 10:17 pm (UTC)[More importantly, the words calm him way the fuck down.]
[He debates more alcohol, but even Nobunaga isn't quite that rude.]
[Man, where does he even begin? The not cutting people out of his life is most important, and thats why it's dead last, because Nobunaga has to work up to it.]
Why would I cut out the strongest people I've ever met? [A mumble! It doesn't count he has to think still!]
Yato is a Japanese God. Of fortune. [Of calamity. But people can change that. And Nobunaga and Yato don't want to genocide anymore.]
I wanted to free some of the ghosts, if their will was so strong about not returning to the void, then they shouldn't have to. But Ava refused to try necromancy because Skulduggery told her not to. And I was getting desperate without ideas. So I asked Yato, even though I've declared war on almost all gods, I just figured, I had nothing to lose. Chase, the kid inside Rich, and a few others managed to regain their bodies. I thanked Yato but he didn't do it. But Amaterasu time traveled here, and I thought, [Points to his temple.] "Aha, I must make this happen myself."
Yato uses human souls as blades. Weapons. All Japanese gods can do this, turn dead humans into shinki. Without one he was defenseless, and he couldn't do any of his God stuff -- I mean he could, but only like a normal human. Run around doing odd jobs. That's why I like him. I have more respect for him, because he comes face to face with anyone who calls on him. Most gods uh, definitely do not. So I wanted to be his shinki. His weapon. Klaus and I had a huge fight in November about how he doesn't want to be a weapon, and I can't just do things without telling him, so I did ask him if it was okay. And I told Yato too, I couldn't do it if it's not okay with Kla-- [He just SAID his name, come on Nobunaga! He falters though, blushing and frowning.] Them. So they had to meet.
Valdis I instantly offered to be an ally, join my army, and have fun with us. Because she's always been a loner, but she's fought demons and angels, and is a God slayer, and we write poetry back and forth, except I wanted to play a word game with her and I got too carried away and turned her haiku into a song. Teyrey offered her soul energy, Valdis can drain it and uses it got regeneration, but at the time, Valdis was like "what the hell is this trap?"
In Tommy Bahamas, mapping infinity, Erin admitted she has a tough time with Teyrey because Teyrey can be so prickly. And here I am, a walking disaster, and I couldn't be closer. So I explained it. The things Teyrey respects, what sets her off, and why we get along better than she does others. And how to talk to her better. And Valdis was in the same boat. Metaphorically.
So I talked to Valdis about it too. How Valdis couldn't stand feeling me and Kl-- [His throat seizes up.] Ah. How much I adore... someone... [Flustered!!!] And knew I wanted to protect them, no matter what. Because I told her so. And Teyrey and I had just formalized our contract. It's usually -- I try not to do that. Demon pacts are... a bad idea. Ugh... literally the worst idea. I told Teyrey never trust my words, only my actions. Cross reference everything I say, because maybe I'll be wrong. But never ever enter a pact with demons. Because we'll just twist it... use it to hurt all you love. And if you love pacts as much as Teyrey does, because that's her culture? Then they'll definitely make you hate it.
So Valdis was pretty surprised I entered such a thing, and I told her that's not all, I wanted to be a weapon for Yato and give him my soul. Especially because I don't want it going to some sort of ship void. And it's not like even a God can force me to do something I don't want. She asked instead to give her my soul, and she would use it to protect Teyrey and Klaus. [Hah! Said it!] But that's not what I want. I mean yes. I do want to protect them, but it's not a totality. Kla-- [Damn it!] They aren't so weak that they can't move on their own. And I told her before, I don't like to micromanage anyone. If I got that mini-purse, I would keep a spider minion in it. Though not around my ex. He'd have freaked out, and been bitten. Like how I don't keep knives places he could have tripped on them.
Anyway...
I don't know. I feel like I don't know anything. Valdis was mad at me for playing Siffleur's game and losing too, but Teyrey wrote it into our contract that I don't do that kind of thing anymore. Because if I was at home or Hideyoshi were here, I couldn't do it either, because I wouldn't be alive to stop him from doing something annoying and stupid. And Klaus was obviously not happy about it either. I don't know what went down between Valdis and Siffleur, but she got kind of murder high after killing him, and we flirted, and I brought her back to my ex. And we didn't dance like I originally planned.
[He doesn't tell Crichton they had a threesome, purely because he has it on his list not to tell Crichton sexual things. But it's open to interpretation.]
And then I became Yato's shinki. He's never had a gun before. He always has blades. If a different God named me, I'd be something different for them probably. My name is Mizune. I can't transform on my own, and I also gave him my cursed blade, so if it ever does absorb magic like the bahamanals, then Yato is probably best primed to neutralize it... but I'm still scared, friend. No one individually could stop Skulduggery, and I have... killed a lot of people. As Mizune, I can cut invisible things, like the rules, and through walls, but I can also make it that I don't cut people, they won't even feel it.
When I was investigating everything, Teyrey had her speech about not playing along with the Captain's game. If we all refused, then what could he do about it? I got mad at her. Hella frustrated. Because I don't consider the Captain my enemy, I just think he's scared and weak, but not that he wanted us to all murder each other. And at the wedding I told her, Skulduggery betrayed no one. So the teens throwing a fit about it, are just being really pathetic, and I know she's better than that. We got heated, but she said it could be armor. I wanted to prove it's not one of us, that we didn't need to be a pathetic weak mob scared of each other. Everyone got taken out one by one, right? At most two. But they were hunted, and mostly defenseless. Which means the only thing I can do differently is make sure... you're all ready together to deal with my past... because... I'm probably next, Crichton. If magic can just latch onto someone's past, then everyone closest to me is more in danger than everyone else. Because if say, my sword resented being out of use, going the longest I have since I was a child without killing anyone. Then yeah. Of course they're going after those I love, the reason I'm not killing all the time.
When I thought it must be armor, at the very least magic, I knew Yato and I could deal with it, because that's what he does in Japan. I knew Valdis could deal with it, because her sword is to kill that which isn't meant to die. But Teyrey either couldn't or wouldn't summon Valdis like I can Yato, so I went to see if Skulduggery could find it himself, using magic.
Ah "magic" is also my code word with Teyrey. So it's always difficult to discuss Skulduggery without using that.
Anyway... I told Cassandra to keep an eye out for anyone acting... off. And logically speaking, that was Skulduggery. But it's not like we're friends. I trust what he said, he helped me settle on trying to break everyone free to find their own happiness. And he wouldn't say that if he was manipulating is to help the Captain. Because originally I wasn't going to try breaking people free. For me., this was closer to heaven than I'd ever be in my time. So my perspective is skewed, I figured people just needed to learn how to enjoy it. He was the one who convinced me to go bigger. So I did. I told Teyrey that too.
[A headshake.] I said everyone thinks of Skulduggery as the man with a plan. Ava trusts his plans. And if he's so lost, he can still reach out to me, because what's the worst that could happen? He said he trusted the Captain's plan.
[Pinches the bridge between his eyes.]
I told him outright. I can't. Not ever. One, I don't usually trust people, I trust motivations. Two, I definitely have no respect for someone who doesn't come talk to me face to face. I will fight for the lowliest untouchable if they can work up the courage to come talk to me. Like Jesus healing lepers. Otherwise... I'll fight Amaterasu herself for ignoring me. She's the sun goddess of Japan. The top boss of Yato. He's like my AU twin and willing to go to war with her too. But even so... I still respect Skulduggery. Or did. I don't give a fuck about the Captain. For all I care, he might as well not exist. That's how weak and powerless I think he is. I don't think he brings anyone here. I know he's trapped and -- thirdly? He wants to become a God right? Amaterasu once told me people should do more for themselves. And Yato agrees. Gods can't save anyone. People have to save each other. So involving himself like this, having some big stupid plan he didn't tell anyone? That's not what gods do, nor should they.
So I told Skulduggery that too. And I asked him, will it make the Captain happier to do it his way, than if I interfere, if Yato and I hunt down the armor, and not let the Captain do his plan? Because most days... the only thing I can do is just try to make my ex smile and then I feel like things are all right. And I figured, Skulduggery was probably the same. He couldn't answer it.
I left to find Yato, but I couldn't, we ran out of time.
At the start of the trial, K- my ex, was hitting the withdrawal stage. So I gave him my konpeito flask repurposed for alcohol for times like this. And he asked my plan. I didn't have one. Just a thousand ideas, and not enough time to test them. So I told him everything I could. I told him I would buy him time right then and there. He said... [Fuck it. Crying.] he'd always love me? And I told him how scared I was. Because... I'm so useless with magic. And he always says.... I say I don't deserve happiness and love and all these good things, being happy while everyone is miserable. And if it was me, yeah of course I'd want to be killed. But it doesn't solve things. And... [Hiccup.] He said n-not to get hurt and I said I couldn't promise that... but I said no matter what we'd work it out?
[Cries!! Head in arms. Bluuuuh.]
[Breathe.]
Demons are summoned, allowed to possess people who let them into their heart, in exchange for killing innocents. Sacrifices. That's how I became the Demon King of 6th Heaven. None of my Generals agreed. What I did was horrific. But I'm still that same man Crichton, I'd do it again. I tried every last thing I could think of to make the cult cease. I offered dozens of surrenders.
They began calling me the Demon King because they were so scared that surrendering meant forsaking their souls, giving into the temptation I was desperately trying to give them to just live and survive. They'd not only rather die than that, but they'd rather kill other innocents too.
I got fed up. To drag it out would be torture. Kill everyone slowly. A drawn out starvation siege involving children, they might even salt their own lands. Because they believe that starvation is proof of their strength.
No one has to agree with me on any damn thing. Not ever. Tell me where which I'm way I'm wrong. I still might do it though. Because I didn't burn Mt. Hiei because it was right. I knew the whole world would hate me, and they fucking should. That's what I deserve. And no amount of love will convince me I deserve that. I did it because I'm the only bastard sadistic enough to cut through it and say, "Enough. I'm not going to waste my own troops so you can convince more idiots that there's something noble in this. If you want to die martyrs, just do it quickly in a blaze."
[The not drinking thing fails, and Nobunaga grabs a bottle without looking, and chugs.]
The living have to carry on the wishes of the dead. Every time I have to talk to the mother of a fallen soldier, or deal with the enemies and try to convince them I'm still offering a better way forward, I've never ever forgotten this.
I cut almost all of my family out of my life. My brothes I didn't kill are off living a separate life so they're not stuck in my shadow. Oichi and my best general, my brother-in-law, I couldn't even contact them, only Hideyoshi can. Gozen, my mother is exiled to retreat. This is so they can't be tortured and used as bargaining chips. That's how demon kings work. We take what you love, and twist it. We make you hate it, resent it, resent living. And we make you blame yourself, like I do, so that you're too scared to have people around you because that's how you break someone. Yato's been there too. I'll never ever ever use hate as a weapon. It's ineffective, and toxic to oneself. Even if you won, you didn't win anything. But even so, I don't care if I'm hated, it's easier than being loved. [Extremely somber face to Crichton because...] You're the first idiot who ever said they loved me....
[HUFF!!!!] Sometimes I wonder if it means the same thing at all... but even if it doesn't... it means everything to me.
Valdis didn't know I wouldn't hurt the Captain. She's never figured out her aim here, her motivations, and I don't-- trust people usually, just their motivations. Because I can compare it. I can say, ah this is in line with their actions. This makes sense. I know Valdis would protect Klaus against anything. Probably even myself, so I was willing to let her play with him with me, but I thought she was in a position like Mitsuhide, where he might go against me, publicly, privately, but I could still always know he has the same goal in mind, to drag Japan out of hell to join the real world. Even if it meant my life.
Valdis... did the opposite. She wanted to protect my life even at the cost of my objective. I got so scared. All I could see in my mind was Klaus crying. And I couldn't take it. I was scared, when I shouldn't have been. I wasn't in danger, and Yato and I weren't going to hurt anyone. We didnt try another way, one where no one else had to die! We weren't organized either though!